Supernatural Film School

Working together...

2012-02-09T15:05:00.006-05:00

Day 1 of shooting this week.

We had our DP back in to tweak the lighting. What was interesting about this was that we had originally lit the set, got it approved, and moved ahead with no worries shooting 100 (that's right *ONE HUNDRED*) episodes before the client called to say he'd like us to tweak.

You'd think, that after 100 episodes, he'd be cool with what we were doing.

Right?

Wrong.

And it's a VERY GOOD THING.

See, we re-lit, and not only that, we re-structured the show, creating three new rundowns from scratch, again, to match tweaks that the client wanted us to execute.

Now, let's be clear, it'd be VERY easy (for me) to bristle when a client asks for changes after such a long time doing things the same way. However, we didn't bristle, we just executed his notes and, wouldn't you know it, the show is turning out MUCH better as a result.

Not only is the show looking better, its got a better story-design now, AND (wonder of wonders--I NEVER would have expected this...) it's shooting quicker.

Wild.

So, lemme' just say, this fairly independent-minded guy got a real poignant lesson in the value of collaboration this week.

Working together.

Good stuff.

Familiar activity...

2012-02-06T14:32:00.004-05:00

Sunday.

THE WELL.

My friend Chris Jones on the left getting ready to rehearse, yours truly on the far right, waiting to get behind the drums.

First time he and I did this was more than ten years ago. Funny thing about time, on the one hand it feels like no time has passed, so the 'familiar activity' you're doing comes real natural. I was able to 'feel' where he was going during the service and follow along like no time had passed at all. At the same time, with time, the simple truth is *a lot* of time has passed between then and now, there's no denying it.

We're older, more experienced. Prone to fatigue.

I think (more and more I'm realizing) that the trick is to keep doing those familiar activities ('cause they're the *stuff* your life is made of) while holding onto as much passion and positivity as possible in the doing.

I find it very easy (these days) to become disillusioned and tired. I find my 'edge' can be quickly blunted.

So the task at hand is to push through and find some kind of inspiration that will help me sharpen up, despite the fact that the thing(s) I'm doing are *very* familiar, and could easily become something I'm bored with or contemptuous of. I wonder if that pushing is the difference between those who keep 'producing' good work over the long term and those who just, peter out.

Yes, it turned out well. Worship was strong. People were moved.

'Familiar activity' (aka: work) got done.

We produced something.

THINK about it...

2012-01-24T16:17:00.005-05:00

How much time do you spend THINKING about your life?

It's funny with humans, right? None of us know what the other is thinking. I often find myself wondering if YOU spend as much time thinking about your life and work as I spend thinking about mine. Naturally, I assume you're DON'T, which makes me feel like a wastrel who should be working more and thinking less.

However...

If you don't stop to THINK about what to do, how is it that you decide to do what you end up doing? Or are you on auto-pilot?

Recently, in meetings with people, dealing with life, just day-to-day-ing it, I've found myself wondering if they've stopped to actively *consider* the track they're on. It's amazing to me how, if you don't really work at it, your life tends to just curve wherever it wants to curve. This is especially problematic when you're in a relationship with someone. There you are, living your lives, not really thinking (or talking) about 'em, just doing what you do each day and, a few years in, you find yourselves drifting apart.

"How did this happen?" you ask.

I'm not *sure* of the answer but I have a sneaking suspicion that a) you didn't spend much time thinking about why you're here and what you're supposed to be doing with your time and b) as a result, you didn't really *talk* to your partner, didn't really actively 'dream' with them (which is just speculative thinking) and, therefore, it's no wonder that you're finding yourself ending up with not much in common.

First, take a moment or two each day to stop and think.

Second, take a moment or two later in that same day to talk it over with the love of your life.

You'll be the better for it.

Pep talk...

2012-01-20T09:45:00.006-05:00

Great light last night on the train ride home from downtown. I ended up taking a few pictures. The one above got a question online which I figured I'd answer here.

The caption I wrote to go with the above shot ran something like, "I imagine you're not in a hurry to live here so, the question is, what are you doing about it?"

The comment I got wondered 'who' I was writing that caption for.

Me.

And maybe you.

See, the thought behind the caption is, I don't think many people start out in life thinking "You know what, when I grow up what I really want, is to live in the projects by the train tracks..." Yet, there they were (the projects, with people living in them) flashing past as my train roared by.

Who are those people? How did they end up there? What could they have changed in their life, thoughts, and actions, to maybe re-route their destiny so that it didn't make a stop in the projects?

Now, keep in mind, I have a good friend who has spent much of her working life engaged in helping homeless men in downtown Toronto. I'll never forget her searing comment to me one time that many of those men didn't have the same choices I had (the choices I assume can be anyones for the taking at any time) because they weren't *raised* in a way that gave them the means to even think in terms of choice, work-ethic, and hustle, like I have been raised/trained to think.

(I still haven't fully come to terms with her comment, many years later)

Certainly, I take her point and recognize that she's an expert in that area, whereas I'm a 'neo-yuppie' on the train headed back to my 'mansion' (when you compare it to the alternative) in the suburbs, from a day mastering the teaser trailer for my latest feature-length project at one of the city's swankiest post-houses. Who am *I* to comment on (or comment in such a way that it can be misconstrued as ridicule) the plight of people stuck in the projects?

Well, here we get to the heart of it.

I'm a believer.

In Jesus.

And the story of Jesus is a story of redemption.

And, see, if the story of Jesus is a 'true' story then that means, given my theological leanings, that there's really no such thing as a life so impossibly dark that new life can't spring froth from within it--or put in the language of the original concept--everyone can move out of the projects if they *choose* to move out of the projects.

"But they don't have a choice..." I hear her saying.

Really? They *really* don't have a choice? I'm not saying I *know* that they do, but I am saying that I believe it's possible that they can.

I mean, if I just decided to let the weight of life, of sorrow, of disappointment, of wrong choices (made by me and by those who've done things to me) crush me to the point that I stopped 'trying' it's very likely that I could end up living by those tracks.

So, I see those projects, backlit by the fading light of the evening sun, and first, I think to myself "Wow, great shot!" then I think to myself "Gee, you know, I'm two or three steps from living there, and I really don't want to live there and, come to think of it, I bet nobody wants to live there..."

So I take a picture, and post a caption asking myself (and maybe you) what you're doing about it...

Dream making...

2012-01-19T12:21:00.004-05:00

You just gotta' keep putting belief into action.

I have to constantly remind myself to keep taking stock. See, in the midst of things, I tend to get a little 'down', feeling like my life is going nowhere and that I'm accomplishing nothing. It helps, when I'm in that place, to remind myself of the tangible evidences I'm in possession of that *prove* that we're making progress.

I have a real tendency to hold up one or two or three key 'goals' as *the* measuring sticks by which I'll decide whether my life is on track or not. Naturally, being in show-business, said milestones are fairly significant, which greatly increases the difficulty with which they will be attained.

The bigger the dream, the harder it is to 'make' it come true.

So, today, when I sat down to color correct the trailer for our next feature-length project I had a moment where I was reminded that this is a fairly big deal, that to even 'have' a 'second' feature-length project is something I would have given my left (you know what) for ten years ago. Yet, here I am, in the day-to-day of my life, and I feel stressed rather than thankful, dissatisfied with our progress rather than grateful.

That little title on screen today reminded me to repent and do the first works, reminded me to rediscover the wonder of youth. Reminded me to be thankful and to keep doing my part to help 'make' my/our dreams come true.

Effectively speaking...

2012-01-17T10:23:00.003-05:00

Okay, here's the question.

Are you 'broadcasting to no-one'?

I was walking to my car, after a quick supermarket visit, and noticed music playing. "Strange" I thought, "Why would there be music out here? I wonder where it's coming from?"

I looked around.

There.

Megaphones. On the side of the building, facing an empty parking lot.

Broadcasting to no-one.

I immediately pulled out my phone and snapped the above shot, because it had occurred to me that I (and you) might be wasting parts of my/our life/lives, and work, broadcasting to no-one. Specifically, I got to wondering about the effort we expend in our lives and how much of that effort is focused in areas that will not yield much of a result.

The reason to consider this, is because your resources are finite. This is part of what it means to be 'human'. There's just not *that* much of you to go around. So, the effort you expend, because it's limited, better be expended effectively, no?

Am I broadcasting to no-one?

Are you?

How can I be more effective as a writer/producer/director? How can I be more effective as a preacher/pastor?

How can you be more effective in what you do?

Where should I be putting my focus, and where should you be putting yours?

Back to life...

2012-01-16T13:11:00.002-05:00

Nice little 'happy accident' on my windshield yesterday.

The 'Tree of Life' decided to pay me a visit.

Yes, it's actually SALT that had trickled down the windshield, which I shot, flipped, and tweaked a bit to yield the above tree.

A reminder to me to keep my eyes open, 'cause you never know when hope's gonna' show up.

Keep your eyes open.

Having a hard time with that lately? Yeah, me too.

This new year, the wife and I have a lot of work to do. We're approaching (gasp) middle age and are feeling some pressure to be sure we're spending our life the way we ought to be spending it. So, I think, we're going to intentionally go on a few 'dates' in the next couple months where we'll just talk about life, what we're doing, what we think we're supposed to be doing, and what potential changes we need to consider making to align the two. One thing we've learned in 15 years together is that, if you don't talk about things, then make adjustments based on your talking, you don't end up living the life you've always wanted, you end up living the life you end up living.

So, two things for you today good friend.

1) Keep your eyes open.

2) Make sure you talk about what you see and make the right adjustments based on it.

Life (in my opinion) 'aint worth much if it's just lived 'as-is'.

Just sayin'...

The wisdom of Robbie pt. 6...

2011-12-29T15:41:00.005-05:00

His last things.

That's their house in the background on the left.

Dude, could this get any more painful?

I'm sure he's smiling at this but, nonetheless, I'm the one sitting here with pain in my gut having to write this.

Please note how few bins there are.

Robbie didn't leave much behind.

This is a good and righteous act. This is consistent with his worldview and with the Gospel that, in addition to Kate and the kids, was the center of his life.

"Travel lightly..."

You can't take any of the things you accumulate 'with' you when it's your turn to go. You've heard this before, now you see evidence of it and, the reason for this post, is you KNOW that the dude who's 'last things' those are, was someone 'real', someone you 'actually' knew who did what he said, lived what he believed, who meant every admonition he ever gave you.

So, listen to Robbie, and do what he did.

Travel lightly.

You have a new year ahead of you. Decide *now* what you can jettison this year and what you're going to devote yourself to. There was no way Robbie knew last New Years would be his last here on the Earth, who's to say it's going to go down any differently for you?

Morbid? Nope. Honest? Yup. Challenging? You betcha'.

Starting with me baby. Starting with me.

The Wisdom of Robbie pt. 5...

2011-12-19T15:18:00.004-05:00

I've started this post three or four times. Each time I've deleted it due to the fact that it was far too negative to be made public.

Figured I'd try one last time.

It's as if he's staring at me telling me what I'm reading above.

"It's about GOD stupid!"

It's very clear to those of us who lived with him that he believed this to his core. Man, I've been finding it hard to believe for myself lately. And here we come to the crux, perhaps, of this whole deal.

Robbie's dying has made me doubt God's goodness, His wisdom, His very existence.

There, I said it.

And you're thinking "Great, this guy's a pastor, hope his church doesn't know..."

Pretty sure they do.

Pretty sure an honest pastor is better (MUCH better) than one who pretends.

See, it's Christmas time and the pain of Robbie's absence is almost more than we can bear. In fact, it IS more than we can bear, but since we don't just spontaneously drop dead from the grief, we just keep wandering through our lives wondering if this has really happened to us.

(how is this possible?)

We had 'early christmas dinner' yesterday with Mom and Dad and Kate and her kids and ours. No Robbie. Very hard.

I've always tried to tell the truth on this here blog in the hopes that it might be of some encouragement to you on your journey so I won't lie to you. I won't tell you it's all good and that we're a happy go lucky bunch right now.

But I will tell you that we're in some deep, I mean the deepest, deeper than deep, pain over here and, yet, in the midst of it we hear his voice in our head telling us...

"It's about GOD stupid!"

So I don't think any of us will be quitting anytime soon but, boy, this sure 'aint fun.

Love you man.

The Wisdom of Robbie pt. 4...

2011-11-21T13:53:00.004-05:00

He's quoting me here.

When I saw it I smiled then almost puked. Typical 'grief' stuff there I guess.

"More Ghost More Better..."

So, we're both 'charismatics'.

"What is a charismatic?"

Well, a 'charismatic'--simply put--is the kind of Christian who emphasizes, in life and work, the miraculous, or supra-rational aspect of the Christian life. A charismatic tends to be a person who is 'experientially oriented' a 'taste/touch/see' kind of person. Someone who needs to 'feel' something in order to believe it.

We're not big on propositional truth as an end in itself. We believe that if something is true it should be able to be experienced.

There is oxygen in the air--> you should be able to breathe.

Music is engaging--> you should be able to feel it when you listen to it.

Love is better than hate--> you should have lots of loving relationships.

God is as real as oxygen--> you should be able to breathe in His presence.

God is engaged with you--> you should be able to hear and feel Him.

God is love--> you should be able to experience that in relationship.

That sort of thing.

Charismatic churches tend to be churches that emphasize singing in worship because charismatics believe that, in worship, you're actually coming into God's manifest presence as a people so, naturally, you should allow people lots of time to 1) get used to it 2) learn how to work within it 3) get whatever it is they're supposed to be getting out of that experience that day.

Charismatic churches also tend to pray for people by laying their hands on them in agreement with what the Bible teaches and actually EXPECT God to come through. Charismatic churches tend therefore to celebrate answers to prayer and they also become more bold in praying for people as they see God come through again and again.

Some Charismatic churches (at least the 'classically charismatic' ones) don't really emphasize preaching because they tend to think that because 'God is still speaking today...' we should be able to hear Him 'in the immediate' through a 'prophetic word' or a 'word of knowledge'. This is where someone with a 'gift' for sensing or hearing what God is (supposedly) 'saying' in that moment takes the microphone and 'speaks' the 'word of the Lord' to a person or group of people. In the worst case scenario in these kind of churches, the Bible is used as a 'verse vending machine' where disparate (and usually obscure) verses are 'cherry-picked' to support what the so-called prophet is saying. There's some tension here because in most of Biblical history it was a limited group of people (The Prophets) who spoke this way but many people think that after the events of Act 2 (where the Holy Spirit was poured out on the church) every Christian was given the ability to 'hear' God like the OT prophets used to, so they believe that every Christian can (and should) 'hear' God when He speaks and 'share' these 'words from the Lord' when appropriate. The problem with this kind of approach (when not employed in submission to the clear teaching of scripture as interpreted and applied by a team of Elders in a local church) is that 'Larry the Mechanic' can end up speaking into your life as 'the voice of God' and, we all know (based on his track record with my car at least...), that more often than not 'Larry the Mechanic' either gets it wrong or is 'sharing' things that fall somewhat short of the truly prophetic.

To say nothing of the fact that, in Bible times, 'false prophets' were killed.

This is why there weren't a lot of 'prophets' in Bible times and why, today, every Tom, Dick, and Harry (in an undisciplined charismatic church) can grab the mic and 'play God' for a bit.

The flip side is, many non-charismatic churches stop expecting God to SPEAK to people through the preaching of the Bible about Jesus, and they also refuse to allow any 'word of knowledge' ministry to go forth in their church.

(I've found that 'word of knowledge' ministry in our churches typically works well during the worship service as the worship leader 'freestyles' a bit based on what He/She feels God is saying/doing in the moment and also I encourage people, when praying for people during ministry time, to pray with conviction the things God puts on their heart to pray. More often than not the things you end up praying are *exactly* the things the people you were praying for needed to hear. I don't think you need to preface things by saying "I feel God is saying..." I think you just pray. If you get a sense that you need to pray something really specific or outlandish I encourage people to say "Look, I realize I may be way off here, but I was feeling like I should be praying for ________. What do you think about that?" Then they either break down crying 'cause you've just 'read their mail' or they say "Nope, I don't think that's what I'm feeling..." and you just keep going.)

The kind of charismatic churches Robbie pastored were proper charismatic churches in the real sense. They emphasized Spirit-filled worship, and made room in the service for 'ministry time' where qualified church leaders could 'speak into' people's lives while praying for them and, in Robbie's churches, the Bible was preached about Jesus.

But he always expected God to 'show up'.

I'll never forget the first time Robbie walked into my first church plant (in the heart of downtown Toronto) and, all bug-eyed, asked me how in the heck we managed to have THAT much 'Ghost' in the room? What he was saying was that he could *really* feel the presence of God in the room, and that it was good, and that he thought it special. His "how do you do it?" was a real question.

I told him, "Well, that's what we've asked for..."

That God would presence Himself with His people in worship, word, sacrament (ministry time) and community.

That's all we ask for.

'Cause we're charismatics.

At the heart of it, I believe in God, and the story of the Bible, ONLY because I continue to EXPERIENCE it from week to week, month to month, year to year, decade to decade in my life.

For me it involves goosebumps and crying.

When I walk into a church service I'm looking to *feel* something. When I do, usually two things happen. In the worship I get goosebumps all over my body then I start crying because I'm deeply moved by an awareness that God is real and that He loves me in spite of me. Then, if the preaching is any good, at at least one point during the sermon (and the *really* good ones have more than one moment like this) I feel as if the preacher, who has no reason to know me or the details of my life, is speaking DIRECTLY AT me. We refer to this as the preacher 'reading my mail...'

aka: being prophetic.

If I don't FEEL the presence of God in the worship time, ministry time, and fellowship time (as the redeemed interact together) I don't want to go back. If I don't FEEL the presence of God in the powerful preaching of the Bible about Jesus, I don't want to go back.

If I do, I do.

Simple.

So, the above being true, it stands to reason that MORE of it would be better. If God was going to MANIFEST Himself in your worship service such that people's *actual* lives were changed, wouldn't you want Him to do MORE of it? If God was actually going to FILL your preaching (or the preaching, if you're not a preacher) with His own POWER such that the people listening felt like you were preaching directly at (and for) them, wouldn't you want Him to do MORE of that?

Yes you would.

If the Holy Spirit was actually going to TESTIFY to people, on an ongoing basis, that Jesus is real and Jesus LOVES them in spite of them, resulting in enough encouragement for them to 'keep going' in their increasingly harder lives, would you want Him to do MORE of that?

Yes you would.

If the love of Jesus that was spilling into people's lives as they experienced MORE of the Holy Spirit began OVERFLOWING from their lives into the lives of the 'real' (normal/non-christian) people in your town, resulting in them coming to your church and getting ROCKED by the presence of the Holy Spirit and becoming Christians, wouldn't you want God to do MORE of that?

Well, yes you would.

More Ghost, more better.

If you, as a person, found a church where, week in and week out, you could AUTHENTICALLY experience the life of God Himself at work in the midst of that group of people, wouldn't you keep going back? Would anything stop you from going back? Conversely, once you'd EXPERIENCED what happens in a 'real' charismatic church, would any amount of marketing, programming, or social networking get you to go to a church where the worship had NO GHOST, where the preaching had NO GHOST, and where the people had NO GHOST?

Heck no.

Once you've tasted and seen that the Lord is good, nothing else will do.

So, that's why me and Robbie and our friends went charismatic. We realized (early 90's) that ONLY the actual, manifest presence of the actually LIVING God, would be enough to capture the hearts of our disillusioned, relativistic, pluralistic, sensualist peers.

Only the Ghost will do.

So we say...

"More Ghost More Better..."

The wisdom of Robbie.

Love you man,

The Wisdom of Robbie pt. 3...

2011-11-18T11:11:00.005-05:00

This is a hard one to write.

But it's SO Him.

"BE POSITIVE..."

He even wrote it in all-caps. "BE POSITIVE..." Oh Robbie, I hear you. I can see you smiling as you say it.

"BE POSITIVE..."

Even now? Even in this? Even while my wife has your kids at the indoor playground today with ours while your wife is downtown studying 'cause she misses you so dear?

I don't think I can be.

"BE POSITIVE..."

I don't feel like it man. I feel like our life is never going to be truly, unabashedly positive again.

"BE POSITIVE..."

(I feel like he's getting annoyed now)

So, here's the thing. In the face of Robbie's death the only way to "BE POSITIVE..." is if I *actually* believe that God exists, that Jesus is God, that the whole story is true.

Is the whole story true?

I gotta' say, these days, I struggle with that three or four days out of seven.

"Wait a minute, aren't you a Pastor? Don't you have to preach every week? How are you doing that if you're really struggling with unbelief in the way it seems you are?"

It 'aint easy lemme' tell you.

In my last pastorate I spent a year or so learning how to preach 'the light' from 'the darkness' so I'm not a complete stranger to this, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that that 'garden variety season of sorrow' was NOTHING compared to what I (and we) are dealing with now.

The simple truth is half the week I'm kind of not on speaking terms with God then, around Thursday or so, I start to think about Sunday and start meditating on my text, then--because I've done it so long--I'm able to effectively (almost clinically) construct a sermon, then--when I arrive at church on Sunday--I just hope that the Holy Spirit fills the proceedings and gives me enough juice to speak with unction and conviction in the face of my unbelief.

Crazy right?

It's true that I'm so low that I realize that what I call 'The Holy Spirit' might just be a 'feeling' I get by being part of a 'group dynamic' that I've been conditioned (through years of being raised in this environment) to 'receive' as positive, and/or life-affirming.

I realize I could be completely deluded, that Robbie could just be dead (like Steve Jobs said in his book when thinking about death, "Or maybe it's just 'click' and you're gone...") and we could just be waiting our turn. It could be true that he's only alive in our memories now (like every day when I use our bodum to make coffee the way he taught me) and that life just sucks and that there's no meaning and no purpose and no plan.

I realize I could be (in the ultimate sense) of all people, most miserable, 'cause my faith is a farce.

I get it.

So, to deal with that (and I'm having to deal with it, such is the depth of despair and hopelessness that assails me regularly in the wake of Robbie's death) I've turned to a very, almost-utilitarian approach to this whole Christianity thing. I think to myself, "So, what IF this whole thing is a farce. What IF I'm deluded? What IF there's no hope, no meaning, no reason?

How's it working out for you, this whole 'being deluded' thing?"

And the simple answer is...

Pretty well.

I look at Kate and the kids. I look at my folks and the Halls. I look at his closest friends. I look at my family.

None of us have given up hope. No one's gone off the rails. No suicides, no bankruptcies, no people running off on their spouses to go 're-discover' themselves in the midst of this deep season of doubt.

So, none of us are losing our minds.

Could it be because we've already lost them?

Aha! Now we begin to round the corner, don't we?

See, if we've already 'lost our minds' (having believed in actuality, all these years, what we've professed to believe) then we've got no more mind to lose, which means that what the Bible says is *true*. It IS functionally true in us that "neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord..."

Which is why none of us (not even sweet Kate) has decided to kick the bucket.

"But you've already said the love of God isn't real..."

I SAID sometimes I'm not SURE it's real anymore.

So call it something else. Call it 'culturally learned or conditioned warm fuzzies'. Well, they're working for us. Yes, I said it. Whatever it IS that's helping us, it's very clear that there's something that's helping us.

Which takes us back to 'ground zero' in terms of our belief system.

If SOMETHING is working, all we have to do is figure out what that something is. So we look around at life to try and figure it out, and here, we find ourselves in the same territory we've been walking since we were children and came to faith in Jesus.

See, we looked at trees turning color come fall and we thought this couldn't just be by accident. We studied world religions in university and realized that all of them were basically the same except for Judaeo-Christianity and it seemed, further, that they were all kinda' borrowing from Judaeo-Christianity and it was abundantly clear that our Profs. only hated Christianity which made us very suspicious that that must mean that they suspected only Christianity was true 'cause, otherwise, if all the religions were truly the same, if the (supposedly) many paths up the spiritual mountain were all really ONE path, then why single one out to be rejected?

Oh...'cause it's TRUE! That's why.

We watched babies being born, we went on canoe trips together. We saw God's majesty in creation. We built ministries and saw hundreds (thousands if you combine all our efforts) of people's lives changed by this *thing* that was supposedly just a delusion. We saw God's Spirit at work in His Church. We looked at our marriages and found that, of everybody we knew, our marriages (those of our dearest, closest friends) were really the only ones that seemed truly happy and functional. We saw God's goodness at work in His promises fulfilled. Could it be random luck that made all this the case, or was it our collective ACTUAL, RADICAL, AUTHENTIC, HEARTFELT, LIFELONG belief in the LIVING, RISEN, LOVING Jesus Christ the-God-of-the-universe that was *doing* it for us?

Man, you do the math!

We were at his funeral together. There's no-one alive who could've stood in that room and felt what we all felt and kept a straight face (or dry eyes) while protesting that what was *really* happening there was some kind of powerful 'group hypnosis'.

Idiots.

Fools.

Unbelievers.

The only answer in the face of this that is of ANY worth is that JESUS IS REAL, JESUS IS GOD, JESUS IS OUR FRIEND, JESUS HAS ROBBIE AT HIS SIDE EVEN NOW, AND JESUS IS RETURNING TO TAKE US ALL HOME ONE DAY UNLESS WE ALL DIE FIRST!

That's right.

We still believe.

That's right.

We STILL believe.

Robbie's body is in the ground on a hill that we all drive by at least once or twice a month and, though it hurts (oh, but it hurts) as we drive past, it doesn't hurt to the point that it drives us off the road.

What it's doing instead is forcing our eyes to Heaven.

'Cause we still believe.

And THAT'S why we can still...

"BE POSITIVE..."

(Oh good, he's nodding now)

The Wisdom of Robbie.

Love you man.

The Wisdom of Robbie pt. 2...

2011-11-17T10:29:00.004-05:00

Okay, day two, part two.

He's quoting my Dad there.

"The Kingdom belongs to those that show up!"

Very cool.

See, Dad, and Rob both had a pretty utilitarian view of how God calls a person to do a thing. Dad was fond of saying "You don't *find* the will of God, the will of God *finds* you..." or "You *go* where you're invited..." or "The Kingdom belongs to those that show up!"

Showing up.

Just being there.

This view was tempered by many years in the pastorate. Dad pastored full-time for the first half of his life. He assisted my Grandfather in Sudbury, did a stint in St. Thomas (ON), another in Montreal, then took his first solo church in Newmarket Ontario. That church exploded (as in grew fantastically) then he upped sticks for Israel where he and Mom planted, what is today, Israel's largest church, King of Kings Assembly. Returning to Canada in 1990 Dad began what continues as his major ministry avenue, hosting 100 Huntley Street. He expanded into his own TV ministry in the mid 90's then went to Vancouver to pastor a large urban church there for a few years. Today he is again hosting 100 Huntley Street and, for the past 10 years, has been working hard developing Visionledd, an HIV/AIDS relief agency with a particular focus on sub-saharan Africa. Along the way he's written several books, mentored hundreds of young pastors, including a certain Daniel Robert Hall.

He just kept showing up and so did God.

Dad, and Rob's, sense was that life is a great adventure. The urge for constant forward motion was something Robbie and Dad really shared. Rob would get restless if he wasn't always working on something, planning something, doing something that required Gods intervention. This is, probably (I never talked to him about it in great enough depth to 'say so' with authority) a big part of what led he and Kate to sell it all and embark on their epic pilgrimage across Europe and, ultimately, to Africa, three kids in tow.

One of the things I found really amazing about Robbie was his ability to just 'show up' somewhere and make an impact. He was one of the most gifted 'pastors' I've ever seen. Perhaps his greatest gift (as far as I saw it on display) was his ability to connect with people and to model a vibrant Jesus-focused Christianity for them such that they began copying him, and ended up as vibrant Jesus-followers themselves as a result (in part) of Robbie's influence on their lives.

Seems to me Robbie was evidence that a Charismatic approach to life is the best one there is.

What I mean by that is this; you live FULL of the Spirit ("be-being-filled with the Holy Spirit..." in a present-continuous sense, a la Ephesians 5:18) and the Spirit in and at work in you is enough to draw the people you come into contact with to the Father.

If you're FULL of the Spirit (like Robbie was) then, in truth, all you have to do is *show up* and God does the rest.

This is perhaps the heart of Dad's instruction.

"The Kingdom belongs to those that show up!" *assumes* that you show up full of, and in the power of the Holy Spirit.

"The Kingdom belongs to those that show up!" assumes a Charismatic theology.

"The Kingdom belongs to those that show up!" doesn't work unless you show up *with* something; said something being the presence and manifest power of the Most High God.

Robbie certainly had that in spades.

The wisdom of Robbie.

Love you man.

The Wisdom of Robbie pt. 1...

2011-11-16T08:07:00.006-05:00

So, I got Kate's permission to write this series of posts, just in case you're wondering...

Mom and I took a day trip to Rob and Kate's old KW neighborhood this week to collect their last things. Most of the trip sucked. This whole "life without Robbie" thing is getting no easier.

I actually started getting chest pain as we turned onto their street.

To add even *more* joy to the process we had to look into each box and bin to make sure we knew what was inside.

Awesome.

Then we found his 'office' files.

Oh wow.

The picture above is of his notebook. I'd seen him use this notebook over the years. He'd use it at lectures, at church, when brainstorming, while out playing. It was a fixture.

Well, wouldn't you know it, he'd written all over it. Written little snippets of motivational lines that helped him keep doing what God had called him to do.

I took seven pictures of the seven thoughts scribbled on it and figured I'd do seven posts (one each day, starting today...) reflecting on his thoughts.

"Always Thankful...Always Celebrate!"

Is that Robbie, or what?

He was one of the most positive people ever. Yes, he got prickly, but by and large his *demeanor* was one of happiness. It was clear that, in Jesus, and in his wife and kids, he had found a simple kind of contentment. He had a very close group of friends and a large group of friends with whom he just plain and simple enjoyed life. I think I only saw him truly mad once in my life.

He was thankful.

He also knew how to celebrate. I remember many parties, whether family get-togethers, or actual parties, where Robbies voice was always loudly raised, his eyes always bright with joy, and he just kept circulating throughout the room talking to everybody. He loved a good party.

He knew how to celebrate.

He was a weird mix of exuberant and laid back.

And he loved basketball.

I mean, how awesome is it that his 'work notebook', in addition to having pithy theological/motivational sayings scribbled all over it, was also festooned with plays to be run on a basketball court?

Beautiful.

When I saw that, I *knew* I had to write about it.

Here was a guy who had his priorities straight.

Thankful, prone to celebration, and a basketball nut.

Let his life remind you today to find things to be thankful for (so look around, and get noticing things) things worth celebrating and, in the midst of it all (taking your cue from him), be sure not to take yourself so seriously that you forget to play.

The Wisdom of Robbie...

Love you man.

Sitting and thinking...

2011-11-10T08:52:00.004-05:00

I spend a lot of time sitting.

That's me on the ground between takes recently.

Sitting.

Typically, when I'm sitting, I'm thinking. Thinking about what's next, thinking about how to solve whatever problem has just cropped up, thinking about how to make sure what I'm doing dovetails as perfectly as possible with what I'm supposed to be doing.

So I sit.

I realized years ago that I needed to give myself permission to be still, to sit and look like I'm doing nothing. See, it had come clear to me that, when I'm sitting, I'm not actually doing nothing, what's happening is I'm recharging.

Letting the brain recirculate.

Letting the soul quiet.

Taking a moment to take stock and 'realize' where I'm at.

This sounds 'zen' I know but, in fact, it's Biblical.

"Be still and know that I am God..."

If God is real, if He made you for a reason, then--seems pretty clear to me--when you're still you get a chance to re-connect to your raison d'etre.

Yes?

So have a seat ladies and gents, have a seat.

Big moment...

2011-10-31T16:40:00.007-04:00

Dedicated my nephew Cameron to Jesus yesterday at church.

In the absence of his Father.

It was a painful and glorious moment.

This whole journey with Robbie and Kate and their kids has been that way. Deeply painful, and yet, glorious in some awful (awe*full) way. I say *awe* full because of the way in which God is still making Himself real to us in the midst of an experience that should be completely wiping out any faith we ever had in Him.

I can't say I can explain it. I can't say I don't have *any* moments of doubt or deepest disappointment; but I can say that there have been *many* more moments where God has broken through to us in a profound way, than there have been moments where we've felt abandoned.

What's interesting is to see what this journey in us (my family) is doing to our church. It's not that the two are *directly* connected or that we're (especially Kate) at all happy that we've become (in some way) a living 'object lesson', but I have to say, I am seeing strange and undeniable evidence in our congregation that our family's suffering (again, especially Kate's) is getting through to them in a way that is *opening* them up (rather than shutting them down) to the work of the Holy Spirit.

Strange days.

I cried so much yesterday I ended up feeling (for the rest of the day) like I had a red-hot poker being shoved through my left eye.

Kind of like the year so far has felt.

But in it, God is making Himself real to us.

Heavy duty stuff.

What would you do...

2011-10-26T12:24:00.005-04:00

...for free?

Seriously. Is there anything you *like* enough to do it for free? Is there anything you're so good at that it brings you almost pure joy just to do it?

Maybe THAT'S the thing you should be doing.

Go where the passion is.

That's what I'm wrestling with today; taking a good hard look at the things I'm doing and the things I want to be doing and trying to track the passion in 'em. Another way to put this is something I call 'the two million dollar test'.

If you had a cool $2,000,000 sitting in the bank, free and clear, what would you want to be doing today? If the things you're doing today you'd be doing tomorrow (WITH said 2mil in the bank) then, I believe, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. If, however, you'd jump ship without a look back then, well, seems to me you might be wasting your life.

'Cause, come to think of it, what's your LIFE worth?

Much more than $2,000,000 no?

So, why are you wasting it doing something you don't have PASSION for?

"But where am I going to get my money from?"

Doesn't 'provision' follow 'passion'?

"Well, I dunno' Todd, I've never really tried living my passions..."

Right.

It's a constant struggle. There's fear and insecurity involved as well as a need for constant, truthful, introspection to make sure you're *actually* on-track doing what you're *actually* supposed to be doing and not deluding yourself.

But, that said, I'm pretty sure it's better to SPEND your life pursuing what you're passionate about than to WASTE it trading the hours of your life away for dollars.

Just thinkin'...

Looking forward...

2011-10-25T09:44:00.004-04:00

I'm a constant 'looker-forwarder'...

Good thing too.

See, life is full of crap times. Sunday was one of 'em. Had to go put the boat 'to bed' for the winter. That sucks.

The process takes most of 5 hours, from de-rigging, to un-stepping the mast, motoring over to the crane, waiting your turn, getting lifted out, waiting for your bottom spray turn, getting put in your spot, then wiping the boat down by hand.

And there's no reward at the end.

Unless you have faith.

Faith that you'll live to see another spring, faith that you'll face it with a bigger boat, faith that your work will shape up to allow the aforementioned.

Without faith it's impossible to please God (the Bible says) or yourself (I say).

Seriously, how can you be happy without believing for good things in the midst of bad things?

"But what if you've been beat down so much that you just can't find strength to believe anymore?"

Believe me, I feel you.

But, for me, though the days are often dark, I find no other way but to keep my eyes to the East, watching for the sunrise.

Even in the midst of winter I believe Spring is coming.

Looking forward...

Party...

2011-10-24T14:11:00.004-04:00

Sometimes you just gotta' party.

My wife taught me that.

See, I grew up a 'church boy', never went to a school dance in my life.

My loss.

She's been helping me loosen up. I didn't really start 'learning' anything on that front from her 'till about 5 years ago. Since then I've been learning how to let down my guard and just enjoy people and moments of celebration.

I'm learning I don't have to be 'on' all the time.

No, this doesn't mean I stop loving Jesus, or stop doing what He's called me to do. It just means that I allow myself to embrace 'fun moments' when they come up in a simple, childlike kind of way.

All of this points out to/reminds me what a naturally 'proud' person I am/have been, and we all know, 'pride' is probably THE most grievous sin there is.

So, here's to my beautiful wife, the fact that she looks 10 years younger than she is, and that she's still willing to help me get over myself.

Repentance through partying.

That's my line for the day.

Love you babe.

Sailing home...

2011-10-21T09:52:00.004-04:00

Sailed the boat 'home' to Port Credit for the winter in EPIC conditions yesterday. We'd just had a storm blow through and the wind was still howling (30-40km) and the swell was 5-9ft at times.

Everyone who heard we were going thought we were crazy.

Wasn't as bad as all that...

Got there in record time. Here's our Navionics track:

Start Time: 11-10-20 1:50 PM
End Time: 11-10-20 4:15 PM

Active track info:

Distance: 13.1 NM
Total time: 2h 24'
Average Speed: 5.4 kts
Max Speed: 8.8 kts

Please note: 8.8 KNOTS on a Mirage 24! That's ridiculously fast.

The lesson?

Don't be afraid. Do what you need to do.

Naturally, I'm not saying do something 'stupid' or put your life at risk, the conditions required 'expert' sailing ability which I qualify for but, even so, it took balls to head out yesterday.

The end result was a really rewarding experience.

It's my belief that you'll find this true in your life as well as you do your best to 'get out there' and do it.

Best,

The wife...

2011-10-18T12:10:00.005-04:00

Ahh, the wife.

The wife, the wife, the wife.

The wife.

It's her birthday today.

She don't look much older than when I first met her. In fact, nearly twenty years (and four kids) later, she's in better shape now than she was then, and that's saying something.

The wife has more than looks though.

The wife has brains, and brawn, and hustle, and charm, and people-skills and work-ethic.

The wife.

She's a great Mom, a brilliant organizer and gifted people-person.

She looks WICKED in a short skirt.

Saying too much? It's my blog and I can swoon if I want to.

Swoon about...

The wife.

Here's what my Dad told me (from the first week I understood the English language) about the wife...

"Choose someone based on what they're going to be like at 40. If you can see yourself attracted to and enjoying this one when she's 40, then she's worth pursuing..."

Now (of course) I'm not selling the wife out like THAT.

She 'aint nowhere NEAR 40 yet.

But still.

She's looking mighty fine to me these days, and we're closer to 40 these days than we've ever been.

Might I take the energy of this day for me and turn it towards you, encouraging you to do whatever it takes to re-discover the wonder of your...

Wife.

Surprised by a sunset...

2011-10-14T14:35:00.004-04:00

A month or so back I left the studio after shooting all day and began walking to my car as usual.

Then I saw this...

That's un-doctored, right off my iPhone 3.

Pretty nice, right?

What was cool about it was that it wasn't just me who got stopped in his tracks. There must have been at least a dozen people stopped at that intersection, just standing there, staring at the sky.

Surprised by a sunset, surprised by beauty.

Thought I'd remind you today that you never know when next beauty is going to assail you. It might be just walking down the street some day.

Gonna' preach on it, Sunday, at THE WELL.

So, don't despair, keep your eyes open and up.

Fall 2011 update...

2011-10-06T11:27:00.009-04:00

Been doing an awful lot of the above lately.

Shooting.

I'm finding myself fairly spent these days with the intense production schedule we're trying to keep up. My challenge in this is twofold. The first part is the kind of thing I'm sure you deal with too; simply getting 'up' to work, getting in touch with my passion and/or connecting my passion to a seemingly mundane task. I'm trying to find ways to get and 'stay' excited about what I do in the midst of what I do feeling a little bit rat-race-ish these days. Secondly I'm continually trying to find ways to work from my gifting rather than just working to keep the lights on, or pay the bills.

This is tough.

I feel like my biz-partner and I have gotten 'off' our 'mission' a bit lately. Part of this is related to the fact that we have some deals pending that will have resources attached to them that will aid us in turning our strategic plans into tactical moves. Until said deals materialize we're in a bit of a holding pattern. The challenge there is to work enough that you keep the process moving forward while making sure that you're not wasting time with fruitless labor. I find that my own selfish/laziness is a factor there, meaning I can sometime confuse my motives, thinking "I'm being a good steward of my time..." when really I might just be being lazy.

In the midst of this we had a nice moment this week where our entire crew broke for lunch (we were shooting a bunch of new episodes) and the show we were working on happened to have it's national debut at that exact moment and we were able to gather around the flat screen in the lounge and watch our work play out.

That was cool. For some of our team its the first time anything they've done has had a national release.

I made a point in that moment to be thankful and to remember not to allow myself to become jaded. See, I've had a lot of shows (more than 500) go to air nationally so my tendency is to forget the magic, forget that it's good, and ignore small forward steps in my desire to move on to the next BIG thing.

That said, I am feeling some new creative juices flowing.

I've written four new TV series treatments in the last couple months. Two of them I think really have legs. The great thing (noticing and being thankful for progress here) is that we now have official H'wood REPS who can (and ARE) actually shop said treatments at the highest level. The trick now is to be there in the right place at the right time with the right exec and the right concept and close that deal.

I think I need to write a new feature-length script soon. I'm toying with a time travel piece.

On the church side I've decided to stop counting numbers. Those of you who are aware of 'church planting' dogma know (as do I) that this can be a sign of a guy who's church is tanking and he just won't see it. Said dude spiritualizes the fact that his church isn't growing by saying he's going to stop focusing on numbers and just let God do what He's going to do.

That's me.

I'm going to stop counting numbers and let God do what He's going to do.

I just hope I'm not that guy...

Scary, right?

So I'm AWARE that I could be that guy but am also keeping my ear to the ground in terms of watching for momentum.

I see it in our core leaders. They're excited, committed, volunteering their time and giving of their resources and talents to see our mission progress, so that's a good sign.

I see it on Sundays. Though I've seriously not counted numbers the last four weeks, 3/4 of them have felt really full and packed with positive momentum. I also *feel* it in the way in which the Holy Spirit seems to be present in our corporate worship services.

I hear it in our band. Our worship leader and his dudes are really gelling, really turning out great worship moment after great worship moment week in and week out. Can't really do any better than we're doing on that front. I'm immensely thankful to have each of them around and am holding my breath for the day when word gets out that THE WELL is THE place to be in the Western GTA for vibrantly Spirit-filled worship.

I feel it in my preaching. I've been getting a lot of comments from people about the quality and tone of my sermons. I've been trying very hard to write really good sermons, doing my best to just follow the Lord's lead, work the passage honestly, and write from my heart with an eye to being practical and inspirational. It's been a few months now where each week has been pretty strong. Typically I've found that I preach a couple of strong sermons, one really great one, then an average one in a given month. I've been trying really hard to do whatever it takes to hit home runs week after week. I realize there's an 'intangible' in this ie: the presence and power of the Holy Spirit settling on a sermon and bringing it to *life* but I 'get' that I can't control that. So I'm just trying to stay in-relationship with God and to keep my eyes and ears and heart open to what's unfolding around me in life so that I can find a way to connect what I feel God is saying, to the people that He's given me to say it to. Just trying to not ever deliver a 'dud'. So far so good lately.

Our kids are in school for the first full year and we're still adjusting to what that means for our schedule. It's pretty crazy. I realize most of you will be going, "Duh...I KNOW" to that but for us it's still new. Good thing is it seems to me that we *fit* a bit better (in terms of our values and tendencies) with the school crowd than perhaps we did with the home schooling crowd. Not looking to say one is better or worse than the other there, mind you.

My wife is working her gifts (fitness and personal motivation) and doing well. She's now got 2 national TV shows she's the key fitness contributor on and is adding a few personal training clients as well as starting to connect to a really high end fitness company in our area. She's trying to balance her ability (with the kids in school now) to work, with her desire to not succumb to the 'rat race' after 15 years of doing her best (with me) to try and live differently.

The day-to-day of church work (people, drama, logistics, etc...) is getting us down a bit this week but we're just simply trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other and let the Lord worry about the rest. If you do pray for us you could ask the Lord to maybe give us a new permanent location to meet in.

Oh, and I'm helping to coach my son's football team. I'm the defensive coordinator and our last game the defense OWNED the other team. I found myself yelling "I LOVE YOU GUYS!" as the D ran off the field after a particularly outstanding goal line stand.

Some things never change.

I keep hoping my simple, silly, journey continues to be of some use to you as you work to navigate yours, which is why I keep writing.

All my best to you,

10,000 Reasons...

2011-09-08T10:57:00.003-04:00

That's the new album from Worship Leader Matt Redman.

It's awesome.

Seriously, I just came across it last week thanks to Kim M. and Tam S. and the Cook Crew. We were featuring it on a show I was directing and I was allowed to grab it and give it a listen.

I've been weeping ever since.

Naturally, I'm *somewhat* emotionally vulnerable these days (for good reason) but, I'm telling you, for anyone for whom Jesus is the nexus of their existence, this album is going to rock your world.

Walking to the studio today I was weeping, worshipping, hands raised...

On the sidewalk.

Go out and get it now.

We'll be doing these songs at THE WELL. If you'd like to trade your sorrows for a Church where the emphasis is on the *actual* PRESENCE of God in worship and in the preaching and in the community of saints gathered together, c'mon out and see us some Sunday.

10:30am HERE.

Be blessed today. Life's too short to spend it on anything other than what God has called you to do, with the People whom God has called you to do it with.

If you are indeed living as if the story of Jesus and his ETERNAL Kingdom is REAL then...

Get to it.

First-timer...

2011-08-25T08:37:00.004-04:00

Breaking in a bunch of new talent this week.

That's yesterday's 'rookie' you're looking at. Ms. Kim, future 'Entertainment Reporter'. She did great.

Watching her walk in, as nervous as can be, reminded me of the first time I did this, reminded me how long ago it was, reminded me what it takes to manage your fears and do your best in the face of intense self-doubt.

On the one hand I'm VERY thankful that, most of the time, I don't feel that way anymore but, on the other, I'm reminded that it's in those very difficult moments that you really grow. Even writing this I'm hearing my inner-voice remind me that every time I go shoot in H'wood I feel so nervous I feel like I'm going to be sick. I can even feel it know, anticipating my next trip.

(deep breaths Todd, deep breaths...)

I remember hearing it said that unless it scares the crap out of you it's probably not really worth doing. Even writing that I wonder how many people, normal everyday people, actually EVER find (or put) themselves in that kind of situation? Seems to me that most of us do everything we can to avoid any kind of situation that will put us into anything near that kind of distress. That said, are we missing out on great riches of experience as a result? I know that, for me, every time I sense a terrifying (and growth-inducing) situation looming it takes all my effort to stay the course and not run for the hills.

Yes, I've done this a long time but I still get nervous, still get scared.

Still get excited.

Yes, excited. Ms. Kim left our studios yesterday absolutely THRILLED by her experience and wondering when she can get back to do it again.

Like a kid.

"When can we go AGAIN Daddy? I want to go AGAIN!"

"Suffer the little children to come unto Me and do not forbid them, for of such is the kingdom of Heaven..."

Ahhh, yes.

Now I remember.

Help me not to forget.

Off to scare myself silly today.

How Italians say "I love you..."

2011-08-22T15:46:00.004-04:00

Those are Niki's Grandfather's nails.

He sent them to me this week.

This means he 'loves' me.

I learned a few things from this.

1) We need to be more frugal. All those cans are USED coffee cans. Why throw it out when you can re-use it as a 'nail holder'? I need to be more frugal.

2) We need to place a higher value on 'things' we spend money on, even if they're insignificant. Like nails. Who keeps leftover nails? Niki's Italian Grandfather does, and so did mine. We need to make sure that our 'planned obsolescence' culture doesn't seep too deep into us.

3) I need to work harder at taking care of the things I have. The organization and time that went into keeping all those nails for all those years is something I find plain humbling. The challenge is to find a way to apply that kind of 'care-taking' to my *actual* life.

4) I need to *do* things that *tell* the people I love that I actually *love* them.

Thanks Nonno. I learned a lot from you (and your nails) this week.

Rollin'...

2011-08-15T14:27:00.007-04:00

No I'm not getting into yoga.

Yet.

I have been shooting.

What, 38 episodes in the last three weeks?

Sumthin' like that.

I was verging on burnout the last couple weekends as a result. Last night me 'n the wife were in bed, asleep, by 9:30pm. Yup, the big pimpin' life of your friendly neighborhood pastor/TV producer.

And it 'aint stopping anytime soon.

See, our friend 'Mo' seems to have shown up. And I say 'seems' 'cause Mo's a bit twitchy, doesn't like you getting too comfortable with him, doesn't want you to take him for-granted.

Mo-mentum.

Yeah, church's got it and production company seems to be gettin' it too. Pretty strange stuff. You know those books that say it takes 10 years to 'make it' in show-biz ('making it' being defined as having had enough success and enough of track-record that you are earning your principal income from your show-biz work...) well, it's almost ten years for me now. It'll be ten full years in early 2012. It was 2002 when it hit me that if I ever wanted to 'make it' in show-biz I'd better start really focusing on it. That's when I started teaching myself screenwriting. Along the way to 'screenwriter' I became a producer. I have comforted myself with thoughts of Brian Grazer who also started out to become a writer but turned into a producer along the way.

Oh, the church? Growing at 15% summer 2010 to summer 2011. Don't get me wrong, we're still really small and humble, but we don't feel that way. The people we got are blazin', moving in their gifts, making miracles happen, growing in the ghost.

I can wait 'till fall.

Back to the 'biz. We're staffed up on one of the series that was endlessly 'pending' the first half of this year and have started shooting. Pretty cool stuff there. I give thanks to the Lord for His faithfulness. It's quite the thing this roller coaster ride, but so long as you don't jump off, I find that (nearly ten years later) all the ups and downs do end up getting you somewhere eventually.

Not necessarily where you thought you'd be.

Thanks 'Mo.

Really trying to stay focused. My 'mantra' the last couple years has been...

Simplicity. Humility. Repentance. Trust.

SHRT.

"Shhhrrrtttt!"

(like that Russ?)

Almost an expletive.

(Can you tell--from the lyrical tone of this one--that my homie Russ G. just hooked me up with Lupe and Jay-Z and Kanye's new ones? Seer can tell.)

Non-stop hip-hoppin' over here.

Me 'n 'Mo...

six months and counting...

2011-08-04T15:28:00.004-04:00

Six months later and I can still hardly bear to post that picture.

Six months later and I still think about him every day, multiple times a day.

Six months later and I'm still totally devastated by his loss.

Six months later.

I read a couple months back that the whole 'stages of grief' thing is a crock. Apparently, new research shows, that you typically move to some kind of acceptance within six months to a year. If you haven't hit that level after that time then you need to seek professional help.

I began to feel some sort of 'acceptance' about a month or so ago.

This hasn't meant that I've stopped feeling deeply grieved, only that the abject *horror* of it, and the disbelief, have transitioned to a kind of deep bruising of soul.

I still miss him.

I find that one week out of every three or four I go about my days feeling really sad and unable to put my finger on 'why'. Then it occurs to me.

"Ahh, I miss Robbie..."

I've found that his death has made me acutely aware of my death that is coming someday. I've found myself behaving differently in small practical ways each day. Mostly (and Robbie would both smile at this and be glad for it) I can see it in my interactions with my kids where I'm being more patient with them because if I was, in fact, to die tomorrow I'd want to live my *today* with them differently.

I've also been preaching with much more passion and vehemence than is normal for me and, if you've ever heard me preach, you'll agree with me that that can be somewhat worrisome. To make sure I don't go completely off the rails I'm reminding myself as I write and before I get up to speak to try to be kind, inspiring, relevant, practical, passionate, and focused on Jesus. Those qualifiers help.

But I'm still sad, and still broken.

I've said it to friends when talking about it. My family (meaning my parents, siblings and I together with our spouses and kids) has been permanently *ruined* by this to some degree. I think (to quote the great 'Lilo and Stitch') "We're a broken family..." now.

There's no putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. Even as I re-read this before posting I realize this might be very depressing and seem 'non-christian' to some. I'm just telling you the truth as I'm experiencing it right now without trying to varnish a thing.

To be clear, we are still loving Jesus and each other. We haven't despaired of life, living, or eternity.

And yet, we're broken. Deeply so.

I never expected this kind of thing to happen to us. I realize that can sound weird, even elitist. I don't mean it that way at all. Just trying to share how shocking this has been to us. It still feels wrong.

It's like we're living in an alternate universe.

Six months later...

BTS...

2011-08-02T16:11:00.006-04:00

Okay, so I thought I'd upload some shots from my most recent production, just for fun.

That's the original set comp I sketched on my dining room table. My hope was that the three strips of fabric would come up out of the infinity white background giving the dancers a space to dance under. We'd move the fabrics so they looked alive.

Anyway, here's how it turned out...

Pretty cool right?

This is between takes. I'm working with the principal talent to make sure we keep on track and know what we're doing and how we're going about doing it. She was a brilliant performer and showed great stamina and class.

Loved this shot. We lit the principals with two giant silks, a 20 X 12 and a 12 X 12. You can see the first of five 5K's we used on the back (20 X 12) silk just to the right of the RED cam (which is having its 'gate' checked in this shot).

All in all, a great experience.

Done...

2011-08-02T15:19:00.003-04:00

There I am with two of three dancers having just finished shooting 26 episodes in 3 days.

Amazing they were still smiling.

Man, did they deliver.

Everybody delivered. Cast, crew, executives, everyone chipped in and gave their fullest effort. T'was a real pleasure to be part of mounting that kind of production.

Biggest thrill, for me, was seeing the set design executed. From a drawing on a piece of paper I did in my dining room to the finished 'look' on-screen, to get *exactly* what you were picturing is a rare privilege.

Shout outs to Bill and Mary and their team at MZTV for that.

Nice work kids.

Now to find a way to recharge the creative juices. I'm feeling a little bit like that production...

Done.

Day two...

2011-07-27T09:34:00.004-04:00

Welcome to our latest set.

Getting ready to start 'day two' of shooting.

Yesterday went well, for a 'day one'. Lots of tweaking and technical bugs but that's typical for the first time you try anything.

Get that?

The first time you try anything you're going to have problems.

Might as well accept it, prepare for it, and determine to be calm in the face of it.

When you, as the lead person on an initiative (even if said initiative is *only* your day-to-day life) remain calm and unflappable, even in the face of 'day one jitters' it helps everyone around you do what they're supposed to do at the highest level.

Think I'ma take my own advice today.

Just in case...

2011-07-25T16:37:00.003-04:00

...you have a MARRIAGE that needs saving.

I thought (hoped) this, might...

HELP.

Good moments...

2011-07-25T12:39:00.003-04:00

Lord knows we all have enough terrible moments.

Figured I'd post a good one.

That there is a picture 3 of my 4 kids being dragged behind my sailboat, this past Saturday afternoon, about 3km out into Lake Ontario.

Beautiful stuff.

I'm slowly getting them to 'love' the entire 'event' of sailing. The packing up for it, the getting there, the loading in, the getting ready to shove off, the departure, getting out onto the water and getting your sails deployed, finding your groove, enjoying the journey, heading back in, tucking your sails away, getting ready to dock, docking, and shutting her down for the next time.

They're start to come 'round.

It's great.

My wife kept looking back at me as we dragged those kids behind that boat on that lake. "Are you singing in your heart?" she kept asking.

"Yes I am..." I kept saying.

Yes I am.

The MARRYING game...

2011-07-11T10:14:00.005-04:00

The #1 issue I deal with as a Pastor is people's marriages.

Most of the time they're breaking down.

Funny, most mainstream songs are about love, or love breaking down. Most great film stories have, at their heart, the quest for the kind of 'fairytale love' we all grew up believing in.

Or maybe not.

(maybe you stopped believing in it a while ago...)

People aren't marrying as much anymore. The stats on this are clear. And those who do are divorcing more than they stay together.

'Marriage is obsolete...'

(Some would say)

I dunno'. Seems to me there's no decision more important in your ENTIRE life than choosing the person you'll marry.

Even the divorced people I know, it's not like they're not 'connected' to their original spouse anymore, they're just painfully connected to them.

As my kids age, my wife and I are getting more and more focused on helping them navigate this next hurdle.

The marrying game.

Thinking back on it, besides teaching us theology and his particular interpretive lens, my Dad spent most of his time with us talking to us about who to marry and how to marry.

I'll be preaching on it this week at THE WELL.

The Marrying Game...

Hello again...

2011-07-08T11:42:00.004-04:00

So I've realized it's not this blog that's threatening to kill my soul.

It's facebook and twitter and my hit tracking site, which means...

I'm the problem.

See, left to my own devices, I'm concerned about what people think of me and hungry for other people's lives.

I'm the problem, and the problem is idolatry.

This has become clear to me as I've been doing my 'web-fast' this past little while. It was also made clear to me on vacation this past week (and it was a wonderful break with wonderful weather) as the beauty of Muskoka threatened to steal my joy.

Weird, right?

See, the beauty of God's creation should be drawing my gaze to Him and making me love and thank Him for what He's done and for involving me in it.

And that happens to some degree.

But at one and the same time I feel myself lusting after the fabulous cottages and the fabulous lives of the cottagers.

And that's no good, and that requires repentance.

So, I'm at it, doing my best to repent and enjoy.

Gratitude seems to be the heart of Godliness and of Worship so I'm determined to keep turning the corner from my tendency to worship false 'gods' so that I worship the one who made it all.

Curtains II...

2011-05-27T10:23:00.007-04:00

I think it's time to take a break.

I'm going to stay offline for a while.

In the meantime you can find me at...

THE WELL.

Sailing home...

2011-05-24T09:41:00.003-04:00

Pretty dark times over here.

In fact, there's nothing much I can say. I've started a few posts or blogs recently and deleted them, one, 'cause I know my wife doesn't like me 'sharing' online at the best of times which means she's probably doubly reluctant for me to share at the worst of times and, two, because I hear my Mom's voice in my head (tormented by these women I tell you...) reminding me that if I don't have anything positive to say I shouldn't say anything at all.

This means a protracted silence should be in order from yours truly.

Yet, I see the many of you each day who pop by to check out this here blog. I dunno' what you're looking for, but I've always assumed (due to the tenor of this here blog and the reason I started it in the first place) that it's to find some kind of encouragement as certain aspects of my life and story intersect with yours in ways that bring life (in whatever small way) into your journey.

So, lacking anything really good to say, I figured I'd post the above video of me sailing my boat home this past week. That was a good day, a nice moment, a positive experience.

I'm hoping for more of that, in more ways than one.

I can say, regarding the dark place we're in, that it's either going to break open or shut down. At least we're in the position where it's gotta' turn, for the better or for the worse.

The wife and I were saying last week that, while we're hoping for good things, any kind of closure would be welcome at this point.

Hoping to find hope.

Wishful thinking...

2011-05-17T09:41:00.006-04:00

Sometimes you just gotta' put it on paper.

The wife sent me out on a last-minute grocery run yesterday. I asked her to make a list. Once she finished I added a few points. See if you can spot where the handwriting changes above...

That's right, at 'shreddies'.

I added my favorite cereal, milk (which no family can do without) and then two more items that I'm desperately hoping to pick up in the very near future.

'Hope' and a cool million bucks.

Now, it'd be normal to think I'm smokin' something, that--looking at my life--there's no reason for me to believe that 'hope' or any kind of financial payoff for the work we've been doing for the past 12 years or so are likely to appear anytime soon, if ever.

Yet, I persist in belief.

Seems to me, that if you stop believing then you must stop doing. I mean, why else would you being doing what you're doing unless you believed it was 1) what you were supposed to be doing and that 2) it was *actually* leading you somewhere.

So, yes, the main point of writing those last two down was to get a laugh out of my wife and my sister who were both in the kitchen (while 7 kids ran roughshod through our house) and both in need of some encouragement; and, yes, I got a laugh.

But I also meant it.

For me.

Uniquely you...

2011-05-16T12:07:00.002-04:00

This coming Sunday at THE WELL I'll be preaching one of my favorite passages of scripture. Ephesians chapter 2 is probably top five for me in terms of favorite chapters in the Bible and the first ten verses of chapter two (this weeks text) are glorious.

Best part?

You are HIS workmanship.

The idea imbedded in the language is that God is a craftsman, a Master-builder, and YOU are His creation, one that He labored over in crafting, not that it was HARD for Him, but that He took immense care.

This is very encouraging stuff.

God knows we need all we can get of that these days.

Encouragement...

Passages...

2011-05-11T11:45:00.006-04:00

Interesting moment last week.

We were shooting some inserts for a pilot we've been working on for a couple months and planned the day so that--all going well--we'd be able to tack on a quick shoot at the end for me to do some 'stand up' segments for a re-release of one of our old series (one that I 'host') that might be getting some traction here at home and abroad.

I had spent a couple days the week before prepping. I watched the old episode, figured out what I was 'writing from' and 'writing to' then wrote the segments to time, matching what was happening thematically in the episode.

Then we shot it.

What was cool was that I did it all in one take (which is typical for me when I'm firing on all cylinders) and that I felt right at home doing it.

'Hosting' and interviewing are really the things I'm 'best' at on the showbiz side of things. I'm an average writer, an average producer but it's hosting/interviewing where I get the strongest reaction.

These standups were no different. When I finished, our key grip, a very experienced industry veteran, grabbed me and took a minute to express how 'great' this new show seemed and asked me when he could watch it.

When your grip becomes a 'fan' of your non-existent (as yet) show based on watching you shoot the standups it's a pretty good sign you might be 'on' to something.

Anyway, I was very encouraged.

I felt like I'd reconnected to my 'destiny'.

I've been mentioning this a bit lately, the idea of trying to figure out what you're really good at, the thing that you have at least a chance of being 'great' at, the thing that you can do better than almost anyone you know.

Inspired by this BOOK.

I've been trying over the past half-year to really knuckle down and do what it takes to get back to the place where I'm really working (as much as possible) in my sweet spot. This means trying to do less of the many 'other things' that I 'can' do to allow for the space to do what I 'must' do, what I'm 'called' to.

This can be tough when your 'calling' isn't exactly cash-flow positive just yet. So, I get it, a 'day job' is crucial during the transition time and, for me, being well into my 30's with 4 kids and a wife means my 'day job' has to be of the serious kind and one that I really devote myself to, but the trick I've been trying to learn is to do that work while bending myself more and more towards what I 'should' be doing, hoping all the while (believing) that funds will follow vision.

"Funds will follow vision..."

So, to stand up there and do those 'stand ups' felt like putting a stake in the ground. Felt like preaching has felt at my church plant. Felt like me saying 'THIS is what I'm supposed to do so, by God, this is what I'm GOING to do..."

Come what may.

I'll keep you posted on how things go.

We're hoping and praying and working hard over here.

Red vs Blue...

2011-05-04T08:33:00.003-04:00

So I'm not much for politics.

Red vs Blue vs Orange vs Green vs Light Blue...

I can't keep track.

For those of you stopping by from outside Canada, we just had an election. What was interesting about this one was that our Conservative party won its third election in a row but this time managed to secure a majority government which will mean no more elections for at least four years to say nothing of the fact that the Conservatives should be able to implement their platform with less interference.

What was even more interesting was that Canada's traditional first (or second) party, the Liberal party of Canada, was handed a resounding defeat, dropping to their lowest number of Parliamentary seats ever. Connected to that, Canada's traditionally third party, the New Democrats, surged to their best result ever, becoming the 'Official Opposition' for their first time in their history. This was effected primarily as a result of the Province of Quebec (Canada's 'strange cousin' among the provinces) turning their back en masse on the Bloc Quebecois, a separatist party that has held Quebec in its grip for 20 years.

Both the Liberal and Bloc leaders failed to get elected in their ridings and have since resigned.

Here's where I get interested.

The New Democrats are quite a bit more to the 'left' (more liberal) than the Liberals. Quebec is traditionally the most left-leaning of Canada's provinces followed by British Columbia. When the election night results started coming in, one of the commentators suggested that maybe what we were seeing was the result of an increasing gap between left and right in Canada. It's almost like you have 'two' Canada's now; British Columbia and Quebec on the left, and Alberta and Ontario on the right.

What's changed with this election is that Ontario has moved from the middle to the right creating a new and strange alignment between Canada's most populous province (Ontario) and its most prosperous (Alberta).

What seems (to me) to be happening is that hip, loose, highly-secularized, urbanites (a very 'blanket statement' comment to try and describe Quebec and British Columbia) and straight-laced, family-oriented, less-secularized, suburbanites (again 'blanketing' Ontario and Alberta) have decided to entrench themselves in their worldview and practice.

I've felt like that separation has been happening for a long time.

See, Canadians have traditionally prided themselves on their 'moderation', we (supposedly) don't like to swing too far in either direction (to left or right) and the Liberal party has been the 'home' of centrist-thinking Canadians.

What struck me about this election was that the Liberal party didn't seem to be taking a 'stand' for anything. In all their communication I felt hard pressed to really zone in on what they were 'about' what they 'stood for'.

I think if you were to do a real 'laypersons' analysis of the five main parties in Canada, like, just asked a dude on the street...

What do the Conservatives stand for?

"Lower taxes, big business, law and order, family values..."

What do the NDP stand for?

"Social justice, fighting poverty, unions..."

What does the Bloc stand for?

"They want to separate..."

What do the Greens stand for?

"Legalizing marijuana and protecting the environment..."

What do the Liberals stand for?

And I've got to tell you, this time around, I don't think you'd have gotten a straight answer.

Now, mind you, I realize that all of the above statements are 'blanket statements' and that I might be missing the mark. I'm just speaking as a layperson here.

But here's what I 'got' out of all this.

1) You need to know what you stand for.

Because...

2) Canadian culture is polarizing (much like the rest of the West) and I don't think it's ever going to swing back to 'middling'.

More than ever before this election has reminded me that I have to be able to think, say, and act like "THIS is what we're about..."

I have to know the mission, know the bias, know the reason and execute.

So do you, no?

Yeah, thought so.

In motion...

2011-05-02T13:54:00.006-04:00

Good moment, that.

We uncovered the boat Saturday after a long winter hibernation.

This means spring is coming which means summer is coming which means we're going to be out on the water soaking in some sunshine and jumping into the water and sipping a drink and eating a sandwich while the water swishes past on our way to the Island where we'll sit in the cockpit under the stars with dearest friends, red wine at our elbow, before curling up on ridiculously small but surprisingly comfortable berths to sleep the sleep of the just.

I can picture it all.

How 'bout the rest of my life and mission? Can I picture it just as clearly? Does one image equate a thousand others in the realm of what I've been put on the Earth to 'do'?

Sobering, and inspiring all at the same time.

Tough, rough, scary week this one for me kids.

I've been thinking all day, "The GREAT thing about being in a position where no one but Jesus can help is that only JESUS can help, which means that--if I get through this--on the other side I'm going to be possessed of a faith that's been immeasurably built in this harrowing time."

Yes yes.

I believe it. I have this strange sense of calm in the midst of the storm.

Yes, it's possible I'm crazy. It's possible I'm deluded.

It's possible I'm inspired.

To the brothers (and sisters)...

2011-04-29T10:46:00.003-04:00

You know, either God LOVES us or He doesn't.

So relax.

No, this doesn't mean that 'bad' things aren't going to happen to us--we know this all too well--but it DOES mean that, whatever happens, we will be FOUND in His embrace.

If you can wrestle with, grasp, and receive (deep on the inside in a REAL way) this simple truth, your entire life will be revolutionized.

What's needed around these parts is a 'love revolution'.

Discovering, experiencing, walking in, the LOVE of God for us in Christ by the Spirit.

I'm so TIRED of people fighting me over doctrinal differences or excluding us because we happen to believe the Bible (for real) and think that emphasizing Jesus is the most important thing of all.

I'm so weary of faithlessness in myself and others, so tired of trying to give myself (and others) pep talks upon pep talks when, what's needed, is a simple love encounter with Jesus.

Man, either it's true or it isn't.

If it isn't, stop wasting your time flirting with this thing called 'faith' and go out an enjoy your misery, do whatever it takes to try and stem the tide as darkness rolls you over.

If it IS then STOP WASTING YOUR TIME flirting with this thing called 'faith' and go out and enjoy Jesus, learning to ignore then not even 'feel' the misery that is common to those who exist (horrifically) outside the embrace of God's free gift of grace.

Walk IN the light as HE is in the light.

Remember that this place is NOT your home, that the city you're actually from is one where a river flows from before the throne with trees blooming with fruits for the healing of the nations along its side. Remember that there is no need of sun or moon there (doesn't mean there won't be, just that they won't be needed...) because the LAMB is its light.

Glory.

So stop it.

Stop moaning, stop fearing, stop compromising, stop living a half-a$$ed miserable excuse for a Christian life.

Sell out or get out.

It's your life you're wasting.

Giddyee-up kids. It's time to RIDE.

None of us got ANY time to waste.

On the lookout...

2011-04-26T13:58:00.006-04:00

Took this last night while setting up a mock battle with my boys.

T'was pretty cool to watch them playing the exact same way my brother and I were playing 25 years ago.

Can't believe it's been that long.

I have vivid memories of setting up our own epic mock battles.

Crazy.

I took a bunch of shots of the soldiers but this one, in particular, grabbed me. Couple reasons why.

1) Shot up close, this generic soldier turns into something personal. This reminds me that in storytelling and preaching the goal needs to be to 'make it personal' which means getting right up close to the issue and how it applies to the end-user's life. On a leadership or pastoral level this reminds me to get up close to someone as often as possible when dealing with them because they won't move beyond a 'generic' problem or opportunity until I do.

2) I love that he's on the lookout. He's looking for things. Waiting AND watching. I think it's one thing to WAIT for something to happen, it's another to--while waiting--get out onto the field, where things HAPPEN, and be on the lookout there. Watching seems more active to me, suggests some things to 'do' while waiting and I like that.

God knows I need all the 'hope generating' insights I can get these days, because...

Life is hard right now for us.

We're still deeply grieving our brother-in-law. Easter was his favorite time of year. My family kinda' skipped it this year (at the 'family' level--we still did church, and did it as best we could...) as the prospect of gathering together without him was simply too painful.

We're officially week-to-week now income-wise. I realize that might be a little too personal for you (and my wife) and I don't want to get into it in-depth but I do want to just try to share openly and honestly with you. It's going to be one thing two or three years from now, when THE WELL is a smokin' hot large-ish church and my production business has stabilized into some kind of regular remunerative pattern, to look back on these days and go "Well, that was bad, but I ALWAYS *knew* we'd make it..." I want and need to say right now that we're right in the MIDDLE of that part of the story where we're not sure we're going to.

(make it)

My wife is struggling with this more than me but that's mostly a function of how she's wired differently from me.

We are VERY tense, somewhat afraid, a little depressed, VERY uncertain and doing our best to walk through it, but I want to report that it's not easy. We find ourselves battling against despair and having to work very hard (every SINGLE day) not to lash out at each other simply because the 'other' happens to be the closest target.

Like it or not, in some small way (between this blog, my TV and Church work) my life is 'public' so I need to keep it as real as possible and not project an "Everything's peachy, we're just FINE 'bless God'..." type attitude when really it feels like everything is on the verge of falling apart.

There are signs (we're SEEING) of life.

Easter attendance at THE WELL was DOUBLE in 2011 what it was in 2010. That's something very remarkable, to be celebrated, and to bless God for.

In addition to the stark numbers, there's a real SENSE of the Holy Spirit beginning to 'move' in a special way. This bodes well for the future. What's happening practically (for those of you who pastor or are planting churches) is that people are worshipping better (like singing, raising their hands, weeping) I'm preaching with passion and conviction and people are responding, whether with angry emails or weeping and repentance or inspiration and activism. The second you stop getting any kind of tangible feedback (good or bad) from your preaching is when you really need to get worried. Also, people are being saved. We had five on Easter Sunday. That's very significant. We'll baptize seven people two Sundays from now. In the midst of that, three families left the church abruptly last week. Don't need to go into the details but it's important for you to know so you can get the 'whole story' re: how we're feeling and coping. When people leave your church you need to 1) let 'em go 2) reflect on it to see how you can learn and repent 3) re-focus on your vision and calling and 4) keep going.

This Sunday we start a new sermon series, "How to TAKE a city..."

On the showbiz side our Worldwide reps are starting to close in on some possible 'actual' sales. It looks like our flagship show will be popping up all over the World starting this fall. It remains to be seen what the actual 'numbers' (# of stations, # of episodes ordered, actual $'s per episode) will be but it's a very good sign to see real companies out there repping our 'real' show. Once we get 'real' results I'm going to heave one HUGE sigh of relief.

Then move on to shooting more episodes...

The PILOT we worked on last month was very well received by the client. We're working on some tweaks for them in the next couple weeks then--it looks like--I'll be hopping up on my 'hire a team' horse to help us turn the pilot into an honest-to-goodness TV series that you'll be able to start watching, coast to coast, come September.

In addition, another series we've been working on for almost TWO years, looks like IT might be getting shot end of July.

Crazy times.

I've been working very hard to remind myself to keep 'zoning in' on the things I'm particularly supposed to be doing.

It's not easy lemme' tell you.

Lots of tension in my life these days, relationally, financially, personally but I'm working very hard to slog through it.

Just wanted to say it's not easy, I'm making a lot of mistakes and falling short quite a bit but doing my best, all the while, to stay out 'in the field' and...

On the lookout.

FRIDAY...

2011-04-21T11:01:00.005-04:00

That was FRIDAY at THE WELL last year.

This year will look much the same.

We'll do our best to simply, and beautifully, highlight the DEVASTATING story of Jesus Christ, GodtheSon made flesh, hung on a CROSS to die in our place for our sins.

I preached on it this past week, causing quite the stir. Hear why for yourself...

HERE.

We hope to see you FRIDAY from 11am-12pm as we REMEMBER, and SUNDAY 10:30am-12:00noon as we CELEBRATE.

You can find us...

HERE.

Peace and Power upon you this Holy Week...

Time flies...

2011-04-19T11:56:00.003-04:00

One of my fave shots of my kids, ever.

What's so heartbreaking (in a way) about it is how recent it 'feels' to me but how 'distant' it actually is.

It's YEARS since I took that shot.

Our whole WORLD has changed since.

But some things haven't.

Like, I still love those kids to distraction, I still love their Mom. I still hope to build a life for them in which they can thrive, meet Jesus, and discover what He's called them to do. I'm still trying to 'find my way' a bit as I do it.

What really gets to me about that shot is how you 'blink' and half a decade goes by. This gets me wondering about how I'm spending my life; gets me thinking about what I can do better, how I can repent, re-focus, re-apply myself.

At the same time, because life is beautiful and fleeting, this shot also reminds me to slow down and just 'be', to make sure that, in my busyness (re: above) I don't miss those moments where the light turns perfect and I rush back to the cottage to grab the camera and my kids actually cooperate and we get some shots that will live forever.

Busyness and beauty.

The hallmarks of a life well-lived perhaps?

I spent yesterday on the compound of THE most successful broadcast ministry in history. I spent time with their top leaders--the ones who've been there from, literally, day one. What struck me about them was how intelligent, committed, focused, 'on message' and hard-working they are...

FIFTY years later.

Their shared focus, their continued fixation on a singular goal, and the effort they've expended TOGETHER is utterly humbling and awe-inspiring.

They really put me in my place (in a good way) in terms of what I need to do, and how I need to do it and who I need to do it with.

The really GREAT news is that (despite past failures...) I think we're finally doing the right thing in the right mix in the right way with the right people.

No, our results are nowhere near where they'll be (DV) fifty years from now but I believe that we're on the right track.

And THAT'S an encouraging thought.

I won't be surprised if, five years from now, I end up feeling about our lives the way I feel about that picture up there.

Man that was beautiful, but where'd the time go?

The Battalion Repents...

2011-04-15T15:19:00.004-04:00

Just finished writing my sermon and feeling pretty excited to preach Sunday at THE WELL.

Just thought I'd mention it here.

If you're in the Burlington (Ontario) area this weekend and want somewhere to go to church where they're going to worship and preach JESUS from scripture, I want to invite you to come see us.

If you're not a 'follower of Jesus' but are wondering what all the 'fuss' is about (especially since it's 'Easter Season') I want to say you'll hear a very clear answer this Sunday at THE WELL.

This sermon (on the crucifixion of Jesus) turned into something very surprising. I've preached this same section of Scripture many times in my career, but never like this.

Super excited to do it and wanted to be sure I let you know that, if you're around, I'd love to see you there.

Sunday, 10:30am...

HERE.

Peace to and on you and yours...

Again...

2011-04-14T12:08:00.004-04:00

Preaching on Jesus' crucifixion again this Sunday.

Gotta' be almost the 12th time I've preached this same text.

Here's one of the parts that stuck out to me today as I studied in preparation....

"and twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on his head and put a reed in His right hand. And kneeling before Him, they mocked Him, saying 'Hail, King of the Jews!'"

-Mt 27:29 (ESV)

And it struck me that every action each of us ever takes that says (in effect) "You're not really the King..." is this SAME act of mockery.

Got me thinking how often my life is evidence that--were it not for the grace of God--I ought to be counted among the scoffers.

Sobering.

The other thing that was interesting to me was that I found myself getting deeply emotional and even sickened as I worked my way through the text. See, the story of Jesus Christ crucified is either nothing or it's everything.

Everything.

Everything.

Having my own personal revival today (and the day started out in deep discouragement) and determining to walk worthy of that which has been done for me.

Why was I discouraged?

Online stuff (sometimes FB and Twitter are more pain than they're worth) that made me lust after other people's lives and ministries. You know that kind? When you see what someone else is doing and think, "I should be doing that..." and are left feeling like your life sucks, is meaningless, and going nowhere.

I needed to repent of that. That feeling is mostly pride. What's required is simple obedience. So long as you're doing what God has called you to do, you just need to keep doing that and let the Lord God worry about the increase, about the details, about the stress, about the apparent lack of results or the way in which the results are driving you crazy.

I had this moment on my run the other night where I felt like God 'spoke' to me saying...

"Remember these quiet apparently 'barren' times son, because the time is coming when the stresses of the increase I'm about the bring will have you wishing for the relative quiet of this season..."

Enough to make you weep.

On a run.

While you're running.

To Jesus.

If you're around the Burlington area, come see us this weekend. It's Easter-season and I'm preaching Jesus crucified as recorded in the Bible.

Gonna' be heavy, and intense, and life-changing and a glorious mess.

We're also going to be doing our best to blow you out of the water with worship...

That is if the drummer (yours truly this week) doesn't screw it up for everyone!!

Loving Him in the midst of a tough journey, right along with you.

Evidence of progress...

2011-04-13T12:15:00.003-04:00

Well, I kinda' depressed myself with yesterday's post.

Maybe you too.

Figured I'd submit the following...

Before...

After...

So there's at least SOME evidence of 'forward progress' right?

May this be true of my life (at large) and yours. May the rubble be re-built, may the pain give way to peace, may the uncertainty give way to predictably positive patterns.

May we get through it without breaking.

May we 'use' the lessons learned to do better next time.

May we find what we need to keep going.

'Cause, man, can you imagine if we'd stopped after the 'before'? If the total destruction of it had demoralized us to the point that we just quit and stayed put?

You'd never think of leaving your kitchen in a state of 'undone-ness' so why your life?

Not an option for me and probably not for your either.

Right?

One step at a time...

2011-04-12T13:08:00.005-04:00

My whole life feels like that right now.

Wrecked.

Well, 'wrecked' with my wife and I scurrying around trying to fix it, to make it right, to make some semblance of order in the chaos, to try and find some joy in the deep deep well of sorrow we seem to find ourselves trapped in.

Our marriage has been more strained than ever (15 years in) the past month.

We were joking about the fact that the 'top four' stresses on a marriage are 1) a death in the family 2) moving 3) renovating 4) divorce, and that we're rocking "three out of four baby..."

Then we started getting worried.

See for the first time in our 18 years together we've found ourselves almost not caring about how we treat each other, not trying as much, just 'being' and 'living' and not working on things day to day.

And we started seeing the early signs of erosion.

Pretty crazy stuff.

Mind you, we caught it within days and have lots of reasons to be worn down to the point where cracks can become crevices but, man, I gotta' say that we were surprised 'this' could happen to 'us'.

Our marriage has always been totally rock solid, an absolute 'for granted' haven of goodness as we walk through life.

Robbie's death has shaken us to our very core.

Today Niki was reading the Psalms and having a hard believing them. Every time I sit down to preach I have to find a way to have yet another 'personal revival' in order to find the strength to study, exegete, write and then preach, from a heart that means it 'cause it believes it.

We're shaken I tell you, shaken.

So, last night we put our hot tub to good use, put some red wine to good use and put each other to good use.

That helped.

In terms of our relationship to God, we're just asking Him for help and being very honest with Him about how we're feeling (He already 'knows' of course...) and doing our best to just take one step at a time.

But it's pain all around these days.

I realize this could depress you, but my assumption is that--if you stick with me--you'll see us walk through this valley and out the other side and, if I'm able to be really honest about the process, we might find ourselves (me and you both) enriched by seeing the story unfold.

Even though, it's looking mighty bleak these days.

Zoning-in...

2011-04-06T15:24:00.004-04:00

I'm zoning-in on things over here.

See my one friend (and brother-in-law) has taken an EPIC TRIP (home to be with Jesus) and that event has shattered many of us.

In fact, not 'because' of this (he's been thinking this way for some time) but certainly 'inspired' in some way by this, my other friend (and my brother-in-law's 'best friend') is taking an EPIC TRIP of his own.

Me?

I don't have plans to travel anywhere.

I'm staying right here.

It's WHAT I'll be doing while staying put that's key.

See, these two trips my friends have engaged in have reminded me of what I have to engage in my life. They have brought into sharp relief a thing I think about a lot, but I'm thinking about it now with an increased urgency (to say the least).

What am I supposed to be doing?

And I don't mean all the simple things we do each day just trying to survive, but THE thing that we're supposed to do that makes all those other things possible.

Why do I exist?

And, see, I know the answer, I've always known it.

(beyond simply loving Jesus, my wife and my babies...)

I'm called to preach and to interview.

That's it.

I mean, I can do *some* other things. I'm a passable writer, a decent producer, I've even directed a few things in my life. I'm a good leader, a decent pastor, a passable musician, an average athlete.

I'm pretty good with a sailboat.

But what am I really good at?

Preaching and interviewing.

That's it.

That's. It.

That's, it.

That's ALL I can really do.

Everything else in my life flows from or is connected to those two things.

Looking back, the only 'high' points in my life are connected to those two simple abilities. I remember that first campfire at Pioneer Camp where I told the 'Heaven Story'. I remember preaching 'Fresh Wind' for the first time or that time at Kingswood with Third Day to 10,000+ when I lit the candles in the crowd and preached about Jesus. I remember Colorado and New Jersey. I remember trying my best to blow the roof off the place at FT week after week. I remember one of my dearest friends just standing to his feet for the last ten minutes of an epic sermon one time. I remember youth retreats and that conference on the Trinity where I--the preacher--was the youngest person in the room. I remember starting again at THE WELL and finding I'd lost my 'voice', then a friend's advice that helped me find it again.

I remember Robbie's funeral, preaching like a madman, like a thing possessed, like a brother bereaved.

And the interviewing?

I remember the exact moment it hit me. It was season 4 of 'FreeTV' shot at VisionTV's tiny studio in downtown Toronto. I remember sitting at the dining room table set and doing that first interview. I remember thinking "This is best part of this show..."

And you're thinking, "Gee whiz man, don't give yourself props..."

Shut up man, I'm talking to myself here and for all the other broken hearts out there trying to find their way.

I just *knew* in that moment that THAT was what I was good at.

Take my current TV series, our flagship, the first show we've ever done with the potential to break out and actually become a show that releases all over the World. What's special about it?

The interviews are great and it's nicely packaged and it's relatively cheap to do and the 'talent' increasingly likes doing it, has a good experience, and is talking about it in H'wood which has the word spreading, which is making it easier for us to get better and better guests which is giving the whole thing more momentum.

Two simple things.

Preaching and interviewing.

That's where I'm going.

And the trick is to extricate myself from doing things that aren't those two things or don't DIRECTLY support the doing of those two things.

Yes, for a time I have to do much more simple 'pastoring' than I'm naturally gifted to do, but I do it with all my heart (even while trying to extricate myself from it) so that I can keep preaching, pastoring people from the pulpit.

Yes, for a time I have to do much more actual producing than I'm naturally gifted to do but the trick is to do it with all my heart so that I can give myself (with the faithful help and leadership of my business partner) more opportunities to sit across from interesting people and get them to tell their life story to you...

So that you can find some hope.

Hope in Jesus when I preach.

Hope in our shared journey when I interview.

I'm a 'hope' transmitter.

That's what I am, that's what I do.

Everything else is just noise, just work, just stuff to do.

What I *do* is communicate the timeless hope of Jesus from a pulpit and the universal hope we find in seeing in another person's story--well told--the simple truth that we aren't, in fact, the only one dealing with these feelings of hopelessness, fear and despair, that we aren't, in fact, alone, that there is a way through...

If we'll just do what we're supposed to do.

God bless you Robbie as you sing before His throne. Thank you for reminding me what I'm supposed to do.

God bless you Jonesey as you quit your upper-middle-class job and sell your house and embark bravely into the unknown with your family to build homes for the poor and do what you've been made to do there and after you're back. Thank you for proving to me (again) that Robbie and Me aren't the only ones who've lost our minds.

I love you guys.

You inspire me.

Just sayin'...

2011-04-05T09:55:00.004-04:00

Now THAT'S courage.

As for me, I'm trying to put my words and faith into practice. Trying to help my wife back from the ledge without getting too impatient or unkind.

I'm trying to believe for 'good things' and find ways to begin 'caring' again as much as I can, given our new reality.

I'm shopping for that nine-seater (even though I can't afford it yet) and working hard on the pilot that might become a series and another new series (small one) and on getting things ready for syndication (and hopefully more production) on our flagship series.

I'm trying to partner with God in growing this little church of ours. Preaching hard, trying to lead well, praying a lot, trying to discern where the 'wind of the Spirit' is blowing, trying to equip the saints for the work of the ministry, seeking after 'righteousness' in my own life and walk.

I'm juggling money (or non-existent money) trying to get this house done and my boat in the water and our finances squared away once and for all (as if) and doing my best to give space in my mind and heart for 'redeemed dreaming' when it comes to what life I want to build in light of our new reality.

I'm talking to God a lot, telling Him my heart is breaking, telling Him I don't like this at all, telling Him to come quickly, asking Him how could He, asking Him for mercy and that He would draw near and mend our shattered hearts.

I'm also talking to Rob a lot. I figure the 'great cloud of witnesses' being what it might, I might as well talk to him.

People keep looking at me like I'm crazy, then I realize I must look it, mumbling away non-stop to the Lord and my Brother Robbie who's before His throne.

I'm trying.

That's what I'm doing these days.

Trying.

New territory...

2011-03-30T12:35:00.004-04:00

I'm like a dude adrift at sea with no idea how to sail.

I don't quite know how to deal with grief like this.

It's coming in waves these days. Unbelief followed by shock followed by sorrow followed by unbelief followed by disappointment followed by shock followed by sorrow followed by unbelief followed by weariness and on and on it goes.

I sat next to Cam last night (that's my seat to his right in the above image, in front of the window) and had to 'feed' him 'cause he wasn't eating.

It's been YEARS since I had to feed a child.

Couple nights before that I changed his diaper (a diaper FILLED with you know what...) and I haven't done THAT in years.

And you're thinking 'Boo, hoo, poor you. Stop whining!' But, I'm telling you it's a shock to the system. I don't know how to cook dinner for 7 kids. Yes, I'm going to do my 'part' in rebuilding our family's life, yes I'm doing it as best I can with a minimum of whining but, I'm telling you, I'm feeling like this is almost too much.

I had to ask Kate what Sim liked to 'do' 'cause, though I can NEVER replace Robbie as Sim's 'Dad', for better or worse I'm currently the 'closest male relative' and it's therefore MY job to fill in the gaps that my Dad can't.

"How does he like to play, what would Robbie do with him?" I asked.

"He likes mechano..." she said.

I burst into tears.

More tears.

Cried my way through writing my sermon last week.

More tears.

I keep wondering why my wife and I feel so 'distant' from each other and why I feel so sad and why I can't seem to muster up any real 'passion' for the everyday mundane things of my working life.

I just don't 'care' right now.

Sounds like grief doesn't it?

I keep saying I need to read some books on this stuff 'cause I've never walked through anything like this.

I was listening to a Stephen Curtis Chapman song off his 'grief' album and he was asking God who He (God) is 'cause this 'curve' he's been thrown is seriously messing with what he's thought of God and expected from His hand.

I relate.

I told a friend recently that I feel almost like all bets are off now. If *this* can happen to *us* than anything can happen to anyone.

I realize I may sound immature here. I get it. I'm offering you my unfiltered thoughts in the hopes that it might help me to just process out loud and maybe encourage you along your journey.

My blog has jumped in traffic by a factor of 2 since Robbie died which means that some of the people who 'met' me through that process (online and in person) have decided to stick around and 'watch' how this plays out on my end.

"Hello, nice to see you. Hope you're well..."

I don't have any pithy truisms to half-heartedly encourage you with. I'm deep deep down the well and it's mighty dark.

Yes, there are moments where Jesus washes over me with His love and assurance but, at the same time, I feel so very far away from hope or happiness most of the time right now.

And I need a bigger van 'cause ours only seats 7 and we need something that seats 9 so me and Nik can take all the sweet babies with us when we take 'em--which needs to be LOTS--so that, eventually and with God's help, my sweet sister can start to take some time for herself to start re-building her life.

Insanity.

Dunno' if one of you readers happens to be a car dealer. Maybe you know a car dealer. Maybe you have lots of money.

I could really use a nine seater Suburban or Expedition, you know the one with the bench seat in the front 'cause 3 x 3 x3 seats is what we need these days.

Just look at the picture for proof.

Dunno what to expect, but I expect the Lord to provide.

Maybe through you.

Maybe hit me up if you've got a people mover for me...

Peace and love,

toddc@tmginc.com

Up (c)hits (s)reek...

2011-03-26T22:57:00.004-04:00

Just gotta' be honest with you.

Every time I sit to down to write a sermon I break down.

I gotta' say that either this Jesus stuff is completely true, completely real and the most utterly important thing there ever was or we're all up (c)hits (s)reek.

I don't think we are, but I gotta say that the depths of pain and grief I feel these days are like weights on my soul.

And at the same time I can TASTE (actually TASTE) the goodness of our sweet Lord in ways that are utterly inexplicable to me. I feel like a crazy person.

I'm breaking down and being built up all at the same time over and all over again.

It's almost too much to take.

Kinda' like glory.

Kinda' like Ghost.

Kinda' like Possa' (ask Jess).

Kinda like hope.

Oh man, Oh man, gonna' NEED the Holy Spirit tomorrow, I can feel it and (if He comes) I know I'm gonna' probably end up screaming and doing an altar call.

I can feel it like a storm, like the barometer rising, like the tide swelling, the wind building, the rain pounding, like my sorrow swelling, His comfort welling.

Oh man.

Tomorrow.

Life as (somewhat) usual...

2011-03-22T15:49:00.005-04:00

Back in the edit suite.

We're working on cutting the pilot for a new Talk TV series. We shot it last week--boy was that a 'high octane' experience--but the fun thing was, I've done this enough times by now, that I knew what to expect, knew how to deal with it, and was able to do my job and help our team do theirs.

This all comes with 'experience' which means (you guessed it) that I'm getting a little 'old'.

Oh well.

The best thing about cutting today is that the shots look GREAT, the set looks GREAT, the lighting is GREAT. I think the client is going to be very pleased. Naturally there are still many factors to be taken into account (opener, viz package, an on-location shoot later this week, music and the 'fine cut' to be done next week) but I can tell--again from experience--that we're on the right track.

On the home-front we're moved in (boy was THAT a feat) to a house that's still maybe 30% from being properly done. The thing that's very interesting about that is that my wife (God bless her) is just SO happy to be in her 'home', she doesn't even really seem to care that she's living in a construction zone. It was as if her spiritual 'temperature' changed the day we moved in; the six months of transition and uncertainty over. Sure, there are still many things we're uncertain about, but with somewhere to call 'home' I think she's well on her way to newfound happiness.

Lemme' tell you a little about moving.

Tuesday (on the Pilot) we loaded set in and got it built. Wednesday was set and light and talent rehearsal (a VERY long day) then Thursday we shot (an even LONGER day). I was so exhausted by the end of that day--I'm writer/producer/director on this one so I've got a bit to do--that I felt like falling over.

Instead I moved for two days straight.

Friday, me and three friends (thanks Jeff and Cindy and Chris) and the wife and kids did 'Part 1'. Saturday the wife and kids and I and Sam and Jen and their kids and Markie Langdon did 'Part 2'. Thanks for the love guys. It was great fun. One of the easiest moves we've ever done.

Then, later Saturday night, our dear friends Chris and Cate Jones rolled by with THEIR kids, so between all of us, we had 11 kids in the house and 7 adults and it was great fun. Best thing about it was that we had ROOM. Our old house never would've been able to host a crowd that size, which is one of the major reasons we needed to move in the first place.

Oh, then I had to write a sermon.

Everyone was gone by 9:45pm and by 10 I was at the dining room table writing. I had known all week that this is how it would go down, I'd have two hours between 10 and midnight to come up with something good. Now, granted, I knew the topic I was dealing with, I knew the segment of scripture I'd be preaching from and had been quietly meditating all week on it, so by the time it came round to sitting down to 'do' it I was able to knock something out, with God's help.

Saturday night we slept well 'till 4:00am then my typical Saturday night 'terrors' reared their ugly head (nightmares about everything falling apart at church the next morning) and...

Our furnace quit.

Awesome.

So, between fighting 'demons' and the furnace I didn't get back to sleep.

Cut to: INT. THE WELL-SUNDAY MORNING

Arrived a little late for set-up (not a surprise) and didn't really do much, I was just too tired. I wandered around a bit, moved some chairs but mostly fought off waves of exhaustion.

Service started, good crowd, sweet worship, then I got up to preach.

It was good. I was able to be clear, Jesus was exalted, and I think the people were encouraged.

Yes, that afternoon, I sat VERY still for a while.

Then started organizing.

Monday was more organizing of our 'destroyed' house, then buying paint, then painting late into the night.

Today, I picked up breakfast, built shelves, then came here, answered all my emails and updated all my sites, while my editor worked in the space with me (getting me to look up only when needed).

Tonight I'll head home, and do some more painting.

All the while missing my sweet brother in law , gone to be with Jesus one month ago today, while grieving for my dear sister and trying to keep my wife from randomly jumping off cliffs.

('renovation' isn't exactly her thing but, all things considered, she's 'bucking-up' quite well...)

More updates as they come.

Peace,

Back to work...

2011-03-15T14:35:00.004-04:00

Feels like my life just stopped three weeks ago.

It certainly has changed.

What's been weird as the days turn to weeks is that life just keeps going. There are still tasks to accomplish and things to work hard at. I felt myself slipping into a 'who cares' attitude last week. Quickly realized that I can't let that happen but, even with the 'decision' made to 'man up' and move forward, I still didn't really 'feel' like I cared, I was just acting like it.

Tough.

This week we'll shoot a TV series pilot. The set design team is in today building the set. You can see them above, getting the graphics laid onto the backdrops, painting the floor, laying out the staging, checking the internal lighting on the set pieces and header, basically hustling their little butts off so that tomorrow we can light.

The Director of Photography (the dude who 'paints' with light) and his Gaffer (the dude who knows how to create and mix the 'colors' if you will) dropped by today to take a peek. They seemed pleased. Tomorrow should be fairly intense with them lighting and me working with the talent (two hosts) to get them acclimated to the space and the way in which we're going to shoot this thing.

Then, Thursday, we shoot.

It's familiar chaos around here. I will say that I'm thankful to have the experience built up at this point that this isn't freaking me out. I recognize the chaos, know how to roll with it, and--in fact--kind of welcome it 'cause it means I'm working.

Robbie would want me to keep working.

We're also trying to move into our 90% renovated house this weekend. Each day I plan to do more painting and each day I get sabotaged with other things. Hopefully tonight I can get a couple hours in.

My poor wife is fairly stressed at this point. They say 'death in the family' and 'renovation' are two of THE most stressful things that can happen to your marriage.

Yeehaw! We got both going.

Wow.

Anyway, I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other and will post some more shots as the process continues.

Peace, peace, God's peace...

Angels...

2011-03-09T14:21:00.005-05:00

"Whom we lay to rest this day, with sorrow, yes, but also with joy for we know that he is, in all likelihood, even now, teaching the angels how to lay compost in the fields of the Lord..."

My closing line from Robbie's funeral.

My friend Blake was there, sketching as I spoke.

The result, above.

Lovely stuff.

Thanks Blake.

For more on Robbie visit...

www.danielroberthall.net

As for me, I'm neck deep in producing a new TV series pilot to be shot next week. I have set renders coming in, crew booking up, a budget to keep under control, a script to write, visual elements to plan and design, two great guys working with me on it and mounting pressure.

Oh, and our house renovation is 2/3's done.

Through it all I'm much more deadpan than I've ever been. I have this 'third voice' in my head asking me from time to time if I'm slipping into depression.

I don't think so.

I also don't really care that much at this point.

Which sounds EXACTLY like what a borderline depressed person would say.

I'm not depressed. Jesus is good. I'm just sad.

That's all...

An (un)happy day...

2011-03-07T20:10:00.002-05:00

Very rough day today.

Supposed to be a happy one.

I think it might be some time before that's really true for us again.

Case in point, I had to pop a lingering African maggot out of my nephew's knee tonight 'cause his Daddy 'aint with us anymore.

For the full post...

www.danielroberthall.net

I can't tell you what my sister gave me for my birthday except to say it reduced me to (another) blubbering mess and further hardened my focus.

I'm going to be preaching a lot better, harder, stronger, louder and with deeper passion, focus, intensity and heart-rended-ness than every before because of it.

And because of him.

Head trip...

2011-03-04T15:20:00.005-05:00

Writing my Brother in Law's funeral sermon...

While my Brother rehearses my Brother in law's funeral worship.

On our Brother in law's Birthday.

Wild.

Saturday...

2011-03-03T20:56:00.004-05:00

His friend painted it in his memory this week.

You'll be able to get a copy if you want this Saturday.

For details...

www.danielroberthall.net

Wednesday update...

2011-03-02T23:15:00.003-05:00

His brothers came over tonight to watch his best friend build--in his memory--at my house.

Wow.

For the full post...

www.danielroberthall.net

In process...

2011-03-02T16:59:00.008-05:00

This is Me, right now.

Exegeting THIS text.

(at my Sister's request)

Listening to THIS song.

Writing my sermon for THIS Saturday.

For THIS man.

My darling brother in law.

Picked him up...

2011-03-01T21:55:00.004-05:00

Picked him up today.

My sweet, sweet brother in law who died a week ago today.

The cargo guys (above) were striking, but they let us through.

Darn right they did. Me and Jess were in no mood to be trifled with.

You can read the whole post...

HERE.

As for me, I'm sad and angry and exhausted tonight. My wife keeps telling me she doesn't know me anymore. She's not mad about it, just 'feeling' it deep.

We're on our computers non-stop. Did you hear about the hits to his site? Like more than half-a-million so far from more than 60 countries.

Now THAT'S mind blowing.

My blog and my church's site are also way above average in their traffic and we're not mentioning either of those on his main site.

But, clearly, people are interested in this story and doing some online digging.

("Hello, online diggers. Truly nice to see you.")

Looks like I'll be preaching at the funeral. Dad will do one short sermon (for the Dads and Moms of his age coping with loss like this) and I'll do another (for our peers in their late twenties and thirties) for whom Robbie's death ought to be a clarion call to action.

Gonna' ask the Holy Spirit to help make that a moment worth it's weight.

My brother will do the last worship set.

Now THAT'S going to be something worth experiencing.

I wouldn't be surprised if Robbie gets to turn his ear from the Heavenly chorus for just a second to listen to what we'll have going on this coming Saturday.

Please pray for our family and especially for Kate. The hurt is running deep right now.

What are YOU doing?

2011-02-28T15:42:00.004-05:00

He's looking up at his Daddy thinking, "What are you DOING Daddy?"

For the full post...

www.danielroberthall.net

As for me, I'm working.

Working on playing my part keeping a family together that's kinda' coming apart at the seams a bit and not fighting it too much 'cause we know God's the One who's doing the tearing.

Working on putting together a WONDERFUL funeral for Saturday.

Working on a live recording of said funeral so you can WORSHIP with us long after and so that maybe, just maybe, a couple thousand people will download it so maybe, just maybe we can help Robbie's legacy continue.

Working on a house in renovation. Choosing samples, breakin' stuff and putting it back together, doing my best to not think it trivial. Looking forward to Wednesday when my brother, Rob's brother, Rob's best friend and I (and any other dude who loved Robbie and is in the area and wants to come and emails me to let me know--toddc@tmginc.com) will build a bathroom in said house while drinking beer like Mad Welshmen while listening to Dave Matthews Band played loud in the presence of our King and the vivid memory of our Robbie who would've (and should've) been there building with us.

Working on a new TV series pilot I've got to shoot next week.

Working on sending the things I need to send to H'wood in the wake of some spectacular meetings there last week (or was it last lifetime?).

Working on staying in contact with my wife. This whole 'grief' thing can drive you apart if you're not careful.

Working on my little church, 'cause it's growing and maybe (just maybe) about to hit a spurt.

Working on listening to Jesus and expecting good things.

Working on walking in repentance.

Working on the pain.

Working on the disbelief.

Working on the grief.

Working on my life 'cause--especially now--I gotta' live it well. And it wasn't like I was exactly 'coasting' before but I said, the day he died...

"I can already feel my focus hardening..."

'Cause I've got WORK to do.

Sunday...

2011-02-27T23:44:00.002-05:00

Sunday.

Crazy times...

www.danielroberthall.net

Support...

2011-02-27T05:25:00.005-05:00

My sister and her kids come home today, less their Daddy--my beloved friend and brother-in-law--the lovely Daniel Robert Hall.

Holy smokes, I still can't quite believe it.

Church at THE WELL is going to be wild today, and at ten other churches I can think of right off the top of my head; churches pastored by dudes who loved Rob. Our band is primed to blow the roof off the place, most of my closest friends are coming, my Dad is preaching to honour King Jesus and sweet Robbie who loved Jesus and was loved dearly by my Dad.

Naturally, every single freakin' cent of our offering today is going to support Rob's memorial fund. I just wanted to say that, if you're a Pastor reading this blog, I would invite you to prayerfully consider doing the same at your church today.

Giving 'alms' to support widows and orphans is clearly Biblical. Your churches can give a one-time 'benevolence' gift in accordance with your by-laws and the tax receipt your Church can give your people for their gift just might free up some of them to give much larger amounts than have been given so far.

This is a young woman widowed on the mission field in Africa, left with three children under the age of six.

It should be our honour to do this.

Yes, I'm her elder brother, but I'm speaking to you Man to Man, Pastor to Pastor.

I urge you to give.

Happy Sunday people, 'cause though life is hard, JESUS is good and--knowing him as I did--I'm 100% sure sweet Robbie would agree.

On their way...

2011-02-25T21:30:00.003-05:00

Flying across the Globe with multiple kids? Awesome.

Jess and Kate and the kids are on their way.

Full details are at...

www.danielroberthall.net

As for Niki and I we have our new house. We are happy, and sad all at once. Jesus has shown Himself so good in this process.

We just wish our brother-in-law was coming swimming this summer.

We're at dear friends' as I type this, designing a kitchen for the new house, eating pizza and drinking red wine.

Robbie would approve.

Small mercies.

Funeral news...

2011-02-25T10:03:00.003-05:00

Our last photo together.

Notice he's right in the middle?

I have been given permission by the families to post funeral news. Please visit...

www.danielroberthall.net

For the details.

As for me, my dear friend Chris Jones (Robbie's best friend as far as I could tell...) is on his way so he and I can go scout the funeral location and pick up their MPV and bring it home so it's tuned up and ready to go by Sunday.

An MPV (by the way) that's been paid off by you.

So, on behalf of Kate, the babies, sweet Robbie and his families...

Thank you.

And PLEASE keep reaching out to your networks and asking them to consider financially supporting Kate and her three small children as they begin this next phase of their life without a Daddy, Husband and breadwinner.

Significant updates...

2011-02-25T09:15:00.003-05:00

That's my last shot of him, leaving Pearson airport for their Odyssey.

His family will return that same way Sunday.

For in-depth updates from yesterday and today in Africa please visit...

www.danielroberthall.net

Just for me...

2011-02-24T21:33:00.004-05:00

"Hey! What are you crazy people doing in my backyard?" he asks, coming out his back door.

Missing you.

See, he was just her husband, just their dad, just our brother.

Just wonderful.

I have been struck, again and again throughout this process, with how much sorrow is yet to come. Because, see, we'll still be in backyards together and it will still be Easter.

But uncle Robbie won't be setting the eggs out.

We'll have to step up, but we won't do it as well or as intuitively or as imaginatively as he did.

Even if she doesn't keep that house I'll still be there when we close it up and I'll still stand there on those steps and ache.

And if she does keep it, well, I'll be there all the time.

Missing a friend of mine. One of my dearest, oldest, closest most beloved friends.

My 'other' brother.

I feel like I've been shot through the heart.

Thursday evening...

2011-02-24T19:06:00.004-05:00

Yes, they came as an 'Avatar' and 'Bjork at the Oscars' to my birthday party last year.

For the full post for this evening please visit...

www.danielroberthall.net

As for me, the grief comes in waves fewer and farther between today compared to yesterday. I'm almost cried out, but then--at the slightest provocation--I'm undone again.

I've been using all my 'Producer skills' (such as they are) to get things organized--on a practical level--for both families and, thanks to the help of many and the blessing of God, things are going quite smoothly.

Great things are happening around this terrible tragedy.

I was going to preach Sunday at THE WELL but, upon his return, my Dad asked if he could so, naturally, that's what's happening. If you're in the Burlington area this Sunday and would like to be there as Dad preaches FOR his Son-in-Law and for Jesus' fame please join us. We are just a small church and will have lots of room should you decide to pop by.

Sunday, 10:30am...

HERE.

Thursday update...

2011-02-24T09:15:00.003-05:00

My baby Simmers.

Today he's swimming with Uncle Jess.

Jess and Kate are at Robbie's African viewing and funeral in 15 minutes.

A full long-form update us up...

HERE.

Updating...

2011-02-23T23:24:00.001-05:00

As of this post I will be doing all formal updating regarding dear Robbie on his dedicated site.

Please visit www.danielroberthall.net and help us help Kate and the babies.

There is a new update there now.

With love in the Ghost.

Sweet Man...

2011-02-23T19:19:00.003-05:00

You're thinking, "Where's Rob?"

Behind the camera on this one, taking the above shot of his youngest son, Cameron ('Cammie' to us...) in his grandmother's arms at one of our ubiquitous summer pool parties.

Cammie.

Who'll be missing his Daddy terribly.

To help please visit Rob's dedicated site and give generously.

www.danielroberthall.net

Both of our families thank you on Kate and Rob and the kids' behalf for your love and support.

Deepest sorrow...

2011-02-23T15:14:00.004-05:00

In case you're wondering about Robbie...

We have been working very hard, and many friends and agencies with us, to get Kate, the kids and maybe even Robbie home as soon as possible.

Those working with us have been experiencing some 'favor' so we might have very good news soon. Please pray for the Lord to smooth the way on repatriation.

At this point it's possible that a funeral will be happening as soon as next week, the week of November 1st, and the likely location for the funeral will be the Kitchener/Waterloo/Cambridge area. We are working on a location. It will be large with parking to accommodate those of you traveling from a distance. I will let you know as soon as we have a firm date, time and location.

My brother Jess is arriving in Africa late tonight to be with Kate and the kids and to assist with their return home. Please pray for safety and strength for him.

Jess and Kate and the kids will be saying 'goodbye' to Robbie's body tomorrow so, if you've been praying for them, you could do so with great fervency late tonight and into the wee hours of the morning (they're 7 hours ahead) if you think of it, or at breakfast tomorrow our time.

Kate has asked us to put together a 'video' for Robbie's funeral so my post-production team will help on this. We ask that you begin sending hi resolution still photos to me at my corporate email which is:

toddc@tmginc.com

You can also, via that same email, discuss with me how you might send me VIDEO of Rob that you would like included. If you could please make sure to send your video clips already cut to the proper duration that would be very helpful. We will try to set up an ftp site very soon so you can just upload them yourself for us to use.

We have located Rob and Kate's MPV and it's still available to them--even has the car seats still in it--so I've arranged to have that brought back to my house this week. We became aware that there is still $8,000 owing on the van so we would like to ask you to help us pay that off.

There is a pledge system up now which you can use by clicking HERE.

Or, you can wait 'till tonight when www.danielroberthall.net will be live as a way for you to give.

We're also going to be asking you to consider giving financially to help get Kate on her feet. As you'll know she and Rob sold EVERYTHING they had before heading overseas so she's going to be facing some intense re-building.

In case you're wondering about 'life insurance' we do not have any information on that at this time so are determined to aggressively fundraise in the meantime.

I will do my best to do long form updates here.

Please join Robbie's FB memorial page HERE.

And help us build something for Kate and the kids as soon as Robbie's main site it up.

Please pray for the Halls and for our family as this is pain like we've not yet experienced so far in our lifetime.

With thanks,

Robbie...

2011-02-22T16:58:00.004-05:00

That's him in the middle, lit by the westering sun.

Our sweet Robbie.

With the Lord today.

Oh, but we'll miss him.

Home...

2011-02-09T14:25:00.008-05:00

In more ways than one, that is.

Yes, we're 'home' from our mini-break in South Florida--had a great time. We'll also--as of the end of this month (and into March due to some minor renovations)--be 'home' for good in our new house, pictured above.

Praise the Lord.

And I mean it.

This whole, 'living in a short-term rental' in a 'less than ideal neighborhood' while hoping against hope that we can 'find a place we love that we can actually afford' bit has been getting a bit trying.

The wife and I have been trading sleepless nights.

I was up 2-4:30am last night, mind racing, heart palpitating, doing my best to repent of worrying about things and also trying to do some 'self-examination' of my heart and motives in light of some fairly unpleasant relational conflicts (yeah, more than one...) we've been dealing with lately.

Oh, and the whole "You might not get that Mortgage after all.." thing wasn't helping either.

See, we'd received approval while we were away (and that was a pretty nice moment, telling the wife about that...) but, after we got back, it turned out one of the minor conditions of the mortgage wasn't going to be able to be 'met' in time for closing later this month. So, while doing backflips with my accountant to try and make that happen, I'd been working with my banker to see if we could find a 'work around'.

Naturally I didn't tell the wife about this, no need for BOTH of us to be sleepless, but boy lemme' tell you, added to all the other pressures in my life right now this last little hiccup almost sent me over the edge.

Anyway, she (the banker) called this morning and, heart in my throat, I waited for the word.

"It's all good, I got it re-approved for you..."

Praise the Lord!

(I can't believe it...)

Yes! I'm going to be able to buy the wife and babies a house!

Yes!

And, here's the thing about the house. 1) It's just over 2.5km from the heart of the downtown of our town. This is huge. It puts us right in the middle of where we need to be to keep connected to the cultural 'zeitgeist' of our city which is imperative for ministering well. 2) It's in the best part of the city to 'run' in and, you'll know that the wife and I are fairly exercise-oriented (especially the wife) and super close to her favorite YMCA where she was the 2010 'Volunteer of the Year'. 3) It's our 'favorite' type and layout of house. In fact, it's exactly the same vintage and design (and probably builder) as the house we just sold which was our 'beloved house'. It's just the next model up. We'll have more than enough bedrooms for our kids to turn into teenagers in and for the relatives to visit and for our friends to crash when it's late night party time come summer. Oh yeah, and speaking of those late night summer parties 4) It's got a pool, and not just your average everyday pool but a gorgeous, fantastic, wonderful pool with a diving board AND water slide!

Yes, my kids are going crazy.

Oh, 5) It backs onto a park which is part of 6) The school our kids will go to and it's 7) Ten minutes door to door from my production offices. 8) It's on a gorgeous street. 9) We got a very good deal on it and 10) We're going to be able to afford to spruce it up a bit, which will include (I can't believe I'm saying this...) 11) a brand new kitchen for my wife.

Crazy, right?

This is a big moment. I hope I'm not boring you. 'Cause there is a point, you know.

See, ten years ago I NEVER could have purchased this house. I was a broke church planter just starting out. Five years ago I NEVER could have purchased this house. I was a broke ex-church planter just starting out as a 'professional' (as in 'try to get paid for it...') TV and Film producer. If you've read this blog (funny that it goes back so far...) at all you'll know the story. 2006/2007 we almost went bankrupt. Hardest two years of our life. 2008 I worked more than I ever had in my life, almost lost my faith, then found it (or was found 'by' it) again. Then 2009/2010 was the 'Let's get back to basics...' sequence and we planted THE WELL (which is really starting to gather a head of steam) and I finally ended up with a 'hit' (a very small one but one nonetheless) TV series (after four 'false starts').

And now I get to buy her this house.

(I can't believe it...)

A key thing we've been very worried about is whether or not we're going to LOVE our new house. See, we loved our old house so much we could never bring ourselves to move even though we outgrew it four years and a fourth kid ago.

Loved that house.

So selling it brought real, intense, pain. Seriously, every time we'd drive anywhere 'near' the old neighborhood the wife and I would just go silent while we tried to keep ourselves from crying.

Pain.

So, all along we've had this unspoken dread of getting our 'next' house and living in it wishing we'd never left our old house.

And that'd be a crappy way to live.

But we were doing our best to trust Jesus and simply live obediently and well and with passion and belief in His end result.

Not an easy task.

Anyway, it's been a couple months of intense upheaval and uncertainty but I'm so very glad to be able to 'go public' with sincere praise to God for His provision of this lovely house for my lovely wife and sweet babies.

(I can't believe it...)

I feel (a little bit) like a 'rich' person getting this house. It's as much 'house' as we'll ever need. I keep wondering if this is a dream--and I know that sounds *so* melodramatic but it's the sincere truth--if you want a sophisticated, cool, detached, unaffected, play your cards close to you chest type blog you're in the WRONG freakin' place.

I can't wait to get in, to rip out carpet and paint. I can wait to watch the guys do their thing re-building it into something lovely. I can't wait to mow the lawns for the first time and cut in new gardens. I can't wait to get to know the pool and figure out how to make it sparkle. I can almost already 'see' my little girls face the first time she ascends that slide and rockets down it hitting the water with a SPLASH to surface grinning ear to ear. I already 'know' how I'll feel the first time we leap out of the hot tub with our friends to skip ten feet into that same pool as it simmers, lit from within, on a summer night.

BBQ's on the deck, tree climbing out front. Basketball on the street, meeting the new neighbors. Snow storms watched from inside and dinner with the in laws. Christmases with my family and football in the new basement.

Coming home at sunset to my sweet wife waiting for me--smiling ear to ear--on the front stoop beneath the canopy upheld by those cedar posts I'm wanting to sand and re-stain RIGHT NOW!

Crazy.

I'm outlining this in such detail 'cause that's 'me' and I'm enjoying just 'expressing' for the sake of it, but I'm also aware that our story is one that might encourage you in yours.

See, the wife and I have taken the road less travelled. We didn't work for 'the man'. We didn't cash in our freedom for security. We decided early on to never trade away the hours of our life for cash and have paid a price for that. We tried to do what was in our hearts to do, even though (many times) many people told us (in person sometimes but usually 2nd or 3rd hand) that we were arrogant, deluded and sure to fail.

And I *know* it's just a house but, it's evidence that...

God has been faithful.

Yes, it's been a (very) tough road. Yes, there have been (many) sleepless nights and stress filled days. Yup, we've questioned ourselves (many) times and have made (tons of) mistakes. We've failed enough to make our own spoof of that iconic Michael Jordan commercial. We've been broken, destroyed, disappointed, abandoned, ridiculed, screwed, maligned, slandered, betrayed and even (just this past year) stalked.

But we're still here.

And we're still excited.

And we still believe.

And we 'aint 'homeless' no more.

No Sir.

And THAT should be an encouragement to you 'cause if we can do it, God knows, so can you...

Off grid...

2011-02-02T16:06:00.001-05:00

Some of you might be thinking, "Gee, he's gone silent. What's up?"

Nothing.

Just chillin' in SoFla with the Fam'.

I'll be back 'on-grid' next week.

Updates to come...

Bring the Ruckus

2011-01-21T11:47:00.003-05:00

Directed, cut and executive produced by my man Chris Stacey. Performed by my man Manafest. Written and Produced by yours truly...

Or in fuller res, HERE.

Keeping at it...

2011-01-20T15:02:00.003-05:00

Yup, 'Yours Truly' with THE Mr. Richard Lewis of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' fame.

Man, that was some interview.

At the end, the twenty or so people in the room (crew, plus staff, plus his 'posse') burst into applause.

Pretty cool.

He was shocked that this 'Preacher/Producer' was more 'blue' than he was. I figured, going in, if I'm going to try to go toe-to-toe with a guy as bright and talented and fearless as Mr. Lewis I'd best do my best to come at it in uninhibited fashion.

Based on the success of that interview and others, we're currently working on a new TV series for me, one where I'm actually ON camera interacting with the guest. Not a novel concept, to be sure, but one that I hope we can inject some freshness into.

It's not everyday a Preacher gets to sit down with H'wood's luminaries and pick their brains for an hour or so.

No, I'm not there as a 'Preacher', I'm there as a Producer, a Producer who's looking to craft (or in this case 'find') stories that speak to the essential questions of life.

Wrote the new one-sheet for it yesterday. I thought it was awesome. Predictably my Biz-partner called first thing this morning requesting changes to it. I didn't even argue with him. That's progress. I used to push back when faced with a request to adapt my 'creative vision' (or at least the way I'd communicated it) to suit an approach favoring the 'sales' side of the equation.

No more.

Call it 'maturity', call it desperation. Call it an urgent desire to just play my part in helping the other parts to do their thing to help move the entire enterprise forward--whatever. I'm just happy to do my part and if that means tweaking something so the sales guys can do their thing, well, I'ma get to tweaking.

I've started pre-production this week on a new 5-days a week TV series. We can't talk about it just yet but we're really excited to get working on it. As is always the case when you launch a new TV series, this year is going to FLY by. We'll blink and it'll be December and we'll be going, "Well, at least we've figured it out now..."

Seriously, I'm living my January like it's next December.

In other news a Worldwide sales push for UNSCRIPTED goes into place this month so that should a) get the thing seen by more people and b) set us up to shoot 100 more episodes this year. That's the goal on that one.

So that makes 360 episodes pending.

Plus we've got one more series that's started circling and our first feature film has been delivered to its U.S distributors, digitized and prepped and should hit theaters (maybe as many as 400) this spring--very exciting. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.

I think we're also going to produce a second feature film this fall. We're just squaring away the rights with the writer in L.A. Additionally I think (think and hope) that we might finally be in the position shortly to pull the trigger on a graphic novel project we've been slowly gestating for a year and a half. Dunno' when we'll be able to green light that but I'm starting to get 'the feeling' and, usually, once you 'get' the feeling some kind of follow through isn't lagging too far behind.

Then there's my CHURCH. Man, we had the best sunday in our history this past week. I wouldn't be surprised if--within a year or so from now--I'm writing you to talk about how crazy things have gotten there.

Did our first 'altar call' this past week too. I was a little shy about it (stupid I know) but people really responded.

So much of life is just that, you know, doing what you know you need to do DESPITE the fact that you're scared out of your wits.

You look at things and think, "Man, I don't QUITE know how I'm going to do all this..."

Then you give your head a shake and think, "Man, that's a good place to be."

ps: we're also in 'offer' mode on our 'dream house'. Prayin' on that one...

Favorite things...

2011-01-17T15:12:00.004-05:00

Took my dudes to see TRON th'other night.

That's one of my favorite things. I was downright emotional after. Since I became a 'Dad' I've looked forward to this phase, the stage where I can take the dudes out and do dudely things with 'em, like watch movies, eat chips etc.

Wonderful.

Love 'em.

Another one of my favorite things is the sense of momentum that's come to roost at my little church. THE WELL is really starting to buzz. We've got just under a couple thousand people popping by the site each week (and actual--physical--attendance and giving are growing at 40%+), taking a look around, listening to some of our work, checking out our facebook and twitter feeds, just generally poking at us.

It's funny to watch. I've done this before--the whole 'start a church from scratch' thing--and I'm seeing familiar signs as more people start showing up, start loving it, and start getting involved.

This past Sunday was one of the best church services I've been a part of in the last ten years, bar none. This is a good thing. All it takes is for you to faithfully string together a bunch of those, week after week, year after year, and--the Lord doing what He does--you end up with a church of some significance that makes a dent of some significance in a culture that has a wickedness problem of some significance.

Just like Yours Truly.

That's right. I've got a wickedness problem.

That's why, when things go right--like a church that's turning the corner or young sons who are starting to turn the corner into their 'young manhood'--you especially praise and thank the Master/Maker 'cause none of the goodness you're experiencing is goodness you deserve.

Grace.

It's a beautiful thing.

(Oh, and we just locked a new 5-days a week talk television series for 2011-2012. But I'll tell you about that a little later in the week...)

I feel a cool breeze blowin'...

Sunday's...

2011-01-10T21:33:00.004-05:00

Happy 'bout that one.

You're looking at THE WELL this past Sunday. Yours truly in the foreground, Aaron Weafer leading worship in the background, our very own screen and lighting.

Pretty neat.

Here's why it makes me happy.

1) There was no church called THE WELL in Burlington ON last year. That it exists (and is growing) this year proves to me that faith IS possible and sometimes comes with results.

2) We did the lighting ourselves. Sure it would have been better to hire an expensive lighting designer to come do it but we couldn't afford it. Best we could do was four par cans. Looks pretty dang good though don't it? Yup, sometimes doing the best you can with what you have is good enough.

3) Aaron, leading worship in the background, is a brilliant worship leader. He and his lovely wife and three kids just showed up at THE WELL a couple months ago. My wife and I have been praying for him (and her and them) to show up for a YEAR. This proves to me that sometimes, when God answers prayer, He says 'Sure thing, kid...here you go.' I'm grateful for that.

4) I had a 3.5 year layoff between my last 'ministry context' and this one. Aaron had a 5 year one. This demonstrates mercy to me and reminds me that God loves the journey and that He's faithful to His original calling despite our stupidity.

5) The shot comes from one of the HD cameras that my company owns. We've been able to let THE WELL use it for free. We've been able to self-fund our salary (from my media work meaning the church has had no noose around it's neck--in the form of a salary for the church planter--in the early days) which has made the thing possible in the first place. This is a reminder of God's provision. Even though I sometimes resent the financial stress the wife and I are under as a result of trying to (weakly) obey God's leading I can see, in these moments of clarity, that He is faithful and good things are happening. This gives me hope to continue believing that more good things might be around the bend.

6) The shot was shot by one of our key leaders. He just up and told me last week that he was ready to take responsibility for a particular area of ministry (media) at THE WELL and run with it. I thanked him, told him I'd been hoping he'd feel this way, then stood back and watched him do it. One week later and we're already seeing results.

7) My original Ministry Associate on this thing is behind the frame, stressing out with me over the added complexity we introduced this week and being faithful to do good work in the face of stress and anxiety. I was reminded this week that every time you add a 'piece' to the mix you increase the complexity and difficulty by a factor of (at least) three. This means you're prone to making more mistakes and forgetting things, but if you don't add the complexity you won't grow. Many organizations stop growing 'cause they stop stretching themselves. I'm grateful my man Miki continues to be game for some stretching.

8) We shot my whole sermon. There should be a teaser up this week. I was so afraid it'd look cheesy and know, because my FRIENDS pastor 'em, what the 'cool' and effective churches out there look like in their video sermons and desperately wanted to not look cheesy and bush league. Yes, part of that is MY need to look cool, for which I'm in constant repentance, but the other part is that YOU need your church to look 'cool' so that you can invite your friends out already.

How your church 'looks' and 'feels' is important because it's one of the first 'touches' your people and their people have with the thing which is a key part of their journey towards joy.

It matters.

And this week we got it right.

I'm thankful for that, and eager to keep getting it right.

For King and Kingdom.

ps: Oh yeah, and my WIFE likes the church now. It was a stretch to begin with but she's really starting to love the people and, for her, it's not lights and looks that warm her heart but people. Yes, she's a little further along the road than I...

New Years-itis...

2010-12-31T19:47:00.003-05:00

Pretty much my favorite moment of 2010 right there.

Sailing my wee boat through the cut and into the Toronto harbor on our way to a couple of nights at the Toronto Island Marina.

I'd been dreamin' about it for years.

I've told the story, right? Summer 2009, 'UP' has just come out, I'm sitting at the Bronte Harbor with my wife and kids eating ice cream staring at the sailboats coming and going and thinking--hoping--dreaming-praying, "Someday...someday, that'll be us!"

But I'd just seen 'UP' you see, and so I just up and said it to her.

"I don't care what it takes. I don't care how small we have to go to start, I'm buying a sailboat next year and we're going to get started..."

And we did.

So, when I took my boat, with my family aboard, through the Toronto Island cut and had to dodge the ferries and got to watch the planes come in (at what seemed) twenty feet above our heads and when I got to check in to the gas dock and the entire marina (it seemed) started coming over to meet the crazy family of six that would sail to the Island on a TWENTY FOUR foot boat, and when I got to motor us over to our slip and when we got to settle in for the night well...

It was a dream come true.

So there you go, friends and two thousand some blog readers, my New Years wish for you...

May your dreams (the best, most redemptively-charged of them) come true.

And may the fact that this one dream came true for me this year charge both you and me with faith that some of our dreams for 2011 might be worth the pursuing and that, they too, might in their time and turn...

Come true.

Happy New Year!

A love letter...

2010-12-28T12:41:00.003-05:00

Yes Sir, fourteen years ago today.

Married a lovely lady.

'Cept she was a girl (20) then.

She looks much the same today as she did that day. I remember the day I knew I'd marry her. She was wearing a plaid bikini. No, it wasn't by the pool that I knew it, it was walking in the forest with her before. Know what did it?

She reminded me of my Mom.

No that 'aint weird, until I met my wife, my Mom was the best woman I knew. Smart, kind, hard-working, beautiful, friendly, bright-eyed, motivated, committed, kid-friendly, self-confident, spiritually alive.

Nik was like my Mom, first woman I'd ever met who resonated that way.

"Better marry that one quick. She's like a Ferrari..."

That's what my Dad said that day.

Guess he saw the same reflection I saw.

I know you hear it from folks like us all the time, "The years have just flown by. It just keeps getting better. I love her more today than the day I first fell in love with her." I know you don't believe it.

Believe me.

Love that girl.

That Niki.

My girlfriend.

Yes, she's my wife, has been for 14 years but, to me, she's still my girlfriend. That's why you marry a girl isn't it, so she can STAY your girlfriend forever?

Smokin' hot one too.

Wow.

Love ya' Niki.

Oh yes.

Reflection time...

2010-12-21T13:38:00.004-05:00

The funny thing about plans is you've got to make them but, in making them, you're doing two things simultaneously; 1) opening yourself up to a sequence of events that will result in the 'best laid plans' coming to fruition and 2) opening yourself up to a sequence of events that will result in those same 'best laid plans' coming to naught.

Crazy right?

The tendency, when faced with this immutable fact of life is to freeze. That's right, stop.

Many people do this. You can spot 'em if you try, going through the motions of life with no real zest, or focus, or passion or drive or peace.

They're stopped.

I think the logic behind stopping is simple, "If I stop, I'm less likely to get hurt..."

I think that's true.

However, if you stop you're stopped.

It's a tough one.

Being the end of the year my thoughts are quite naturally turning to next year. Things slow down dramatically for me on the show biz front this time of year. We hustle our butts off from September until this week trying to get new contracts in place for next year then, the week before Christmas, everyone just checks out 'till at least the second week of January.

I think I've written at least ten TV series proposals in the past three months. So far none of 'em have locked. Looks like at least one or two of 'em will, but we won't know 'till mid-January earliest.

I could fret about it, but instead I've learned to just enjoy the enforced silence and idleness of these three weeks and to take advantage of the opportunity to sit still and play with my kids and enjoy friends and family.

It's like the breakneck speed at which we live the year slows down for a bit and I get a chance to reflect.

"What do you want to do next year?"

Which leads to, "What do you want to DO?"

Which leads to, "What are you SUPPOSED to be doing?"

Which requires a lot of quiet sitting and reflecting.

I hope you take some time this week and next to do just that.

Sit still, drink some egg nog (with RUM in it) watch the fire and listen to what God might be calling you to DO with 2011, and with your life.

Happy Holidays kids.

Let's try this again...

2010-12-15T12:41:00.003-05:00

The kiddoes at 'Brookfield Place' downtown T.O this week.

We were there for our annual 'Christmas in Toronto' trip. Had a good time despite super-frigid temps.

Got home to some bleak times as the workers downstairs at our rental did their best (while building a basement apartment) to drive us absolutely nuts.

We may have to move sooner rather than later.

The wife cracked a bit because of it. I wrote a post about it this morning but, due to extreme bleakness, I deleted it and am writing this one in its place.

Lemme' just say that dislocation 'aint fun, especially for my sweet wife who's wired for home and family (and the odd overseas trip and monthly 'date') more than anything else.

All I can do is keep working.

It'd be nice to SNAP! my fingers and make 200K appear out of nowhere so I could buy her the house she *really* wants but, since that's not in the cards, all I can do is keep working.

It's of some comfort (and help with our praying) that I actually have projects, finished and percolating, that have actual potential to yield some kind of snappy return in the next few months. It's one thing to pray on a wing and a prayer, another altogether to pray with focus connected to work you've already done and continue to do.

And while I'm waiting for God to do whatever it is that He's going to do, all I can do is keep working.

So come on flagship biography series, start re-selling already! Come on pending talk television series (4 of 'em), lock down already! You go, micro-budget feature-film about to distribute (at long LONG last); sell a million tickets already! Come on Hugh Hefner bio, work your magic already! Let's get busy TV drama series, you can become a reality! I believe in you graphic novel projects #1 and #2, you've got what it takes to really make an impact! 100 more bio-series episodes? I can SO do that! Do your thing baby church, you're growing at 43% in attendance and 57% in giving compared to last year, all I need you to do is DOUBLE in size by Easter 2011.

That's all.

As I said, all I can do it keep working...

And keep praying.

New digs...

2010-12-10T11:35:00.003-05:00

Finally making some headway at our new studio/post-production space.

Had a 'civilized' lunch in it yesterday. All the art's up and the books are comin' in and the white board is up in the story-development/boardroom area.

Cool.

Funny thing is, it feels so familiar. It's the *same* office I've always had (since getting my official 'start' on my own as a producer in 1998), just a slightly fancier version.

There's a life-lesson there. I think so long as you're doing what you're called to do things don't every get really wildly different, they just grow incrementally (sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly) but if you're really in the 'zone' of what you've been 'made' to do, it seems to me that what you're doing and where you're doing it (since 'space' is a reflection of head-space) should always feel familiar.

Interesting.

Makes me think about the things I do and how to zone in on 'em while staying hands-off enough (on the faith side to allow room for God to be God, on the show-biz side to allow space for the creative process to unfold as it wants to) so that things happen in the way they're supposed to happen without too much manipulation from my side of things.

Learning the practice of practiced un-practice.

Tough action...

2010-12-09T11:09:00.003-05:00

Yes, that's our mini-van with the captains chairs out as we get ready to clear it out to use for the move last week.

Crazy thing is we clean the thing out every single week. Wild. I mean, look at that filth! That's what four kids will do to you. Imagine if we didn't clean it consistently!

Then, the next morning, I pulled up with the moving truck and started loading. This is the first box, first step, first action that felt truly irreversible.

Tough action.

It was hard moving. It's still hard. My wife and I aren't talking about it it's that hard. See, we lived in our last house for almost seven years. By FAR the longest we'd ever lived anywhere. We moved 13 times in the early years of our marriage then slowed down considerably. Four years in the Beach (Toronto) six and a half years in Burlington.

That's what four kids will do to you.

Make you stable, and your cars filthy.

Our rental house is fine, small, with a fireplace (which is nice for winter) and centrally located. The problem is we're not even hanging pictures, which is making us feel unsettled which is exactly *why* we're not hanging pictures.

Makes you feel lonely in your own life.

We're 'using' it (the loneliness) though. Every time we feel frustrated or sad or dislocated or disconnected we channel the angst of that into forward thinking energy. We fixate on what's to come.

"But you don't know what's to come..."

Exactly.

Please allow myself to quote myself...

"The only thing the wife and I find difficult about Faith, is Faith..."

Yes.

It's hard to believe.

So what do you do?

Well, you work hard. Clean the car even though you know it's going to get dirty again. Wash the floors in your humble rental house. Keep looking at houses for sale even though it's two weeks before Christmas so there's nothing for sale. Keep believing that the right house is out there. Keep praying about it in front of your kids. Do the simple things (like breakfast and working out and walks with the kids for hot chocolate, and wine with the wife and lovemaking) you need to do to try and help your life 'feel' normal even though it's not.

Keep taking the tough action needed to find your way forward.

That's what we're doing these days.

T'will be interesting to see how this all turns out.

I've got some cool things brewing (in the meantime) on the business front which is helping us with all the 'blind faith' required around here. I'll update you on that in a day or so. In the meantime...

'Joyeux Noel' everybody.

A Christmas message...

2010-12-06T11:39:00.004-05:00

I feel like I always do my *best* work in and around the Christmas and Easter seasons respectively. My preaching work that is.

This past Sunday was a real treat. I preached so hard I almost threw my back out.

Just listened to it, told the wife after; 'Man, somebody should LOCK me up...'

Yeah, it was THAT kind of sermon.

Thought it might be of encouragement to you (and some folks you might know) today.

Blessings on you this Season...

"NOW UNTO HIM..."

Back to basics...

2010-12-04T20:18:00.004-05:00

Moved into our new (temporary) place this week.

That's the living room, all decked out for Christmas. Probably the most Christmasy living room we've every had.

Tell you what, having a fireplace for a few months is going to make us make sure the house we buy next has one too.

Move was hard.

We were really organized, but it's always tough. The second day was the worst, nearly sixteen hours long. We're still exhausted from it, two days later.

It took all our strength to up and leave our old place. We really loved it. Had always dreamed of living in that neighborhood but 1) we outgrew it (2 kids when we got it, 4 now) and 2) it's not good (in our opinion) to get too 'settled' somewhere. We find that allowing a 'settlers mindset' to creep in (instead of a 'Sojourners' one) blunts your thirst for the fields of the Lord.

So we moved.

Almost as an act of obedience (or 'Mitzvah' for the Jews) as if we're saying with our actions that we believe there *will* be a better (or more interesting, or more challenging, or more fulfilling, or more stretching or more fun) tomorrow out there for us.

It's tough though. We're feeling this loss for sure.

But simple things are helping. Things like breakfast today (same as always--except the rental kitchen is even LESS user-friendly than that of our last home) or a living room set up for Christmas.

I just finished writing my first sermon in this house. Sat at the dining room table ('cause I don't--and won't--have an office here) put on my headphones and the same CD I've been writing sermons to since I was 20, pulled up a half glass of vino rosso, and did it.

Like I always do.

And it was good. I mean, I haven't preached it yet--tomorrow will tell the tale--but I *know* in my bones that it'll be alright.

Just like I know there's a home out there for us and that a fire's a good thing to have and that my wife and kids are excited for Christmas.

Now if only the Christmas present at the top of MY list didn't cost $50,000...

"Dearest Santa..."

Life enema...

2010-11-30T15:16:00.003-05:00

What is that...14...books?

Sermon books.

That's right. And I've got one in my briefcase right now so that makes 15 books.

Sermon books.

Dating back to 1994 if you can believe it.

Yes, we're moving, which means moving my office, which means making sure all my 'essential' files and hard drives and study books and notes and sermon books get moved.

Crazy.

Been doing this a while.

15 books.

That's a lot of preaching.

Another box has five (5) personal hard drives to go to the office to join (conservatively) another 20 drives that we have there.

That's a lot of producing.

I was well and duly reminded on the road today that, encroaching mid-life crisis notwithstanding, I HAVE *actually* found a way to DO a few things in my life. Sure, I've got lots left to do and learn but (for the first time maybe *ever*) I felt today like there MIGHT be a chance that I've not completely wasted my life or totally missed the boat.

I get to feeling that way sometimes.

You know, like Al Bundy?

That suburban dude who's landed in this *life* that he never wished for. Y'know how that feels?

Crappy.

"Quit whining..." you say.

Well, I see your point but I also see my life and the way it feels sometimes and the honest truth is that sometimes I don't like it. Sometimes I feel like a friggin' hamster on a treadmill and, seeing as our friend's hamster just died on his friggin' treadmill two weeks back, that doesn't make me feel too happy.

"Grow up..." you say. "Get some manliness..." you say. "Your self-serving navel-gazing is getting tiresome..." you say.

I see you point.

But here's how I deal with the feelings of despair and darkness, with that sense of 'you missed it', that fearful wondering if I'm ever *actually* going to MAKE IT.

I look back.

And see 15 sermon books and 25 hard drives.

Reminds me, I've done some work and I've got some work to do.

Number 1 reason we're moving?

To *act* out our faith that MORE is possible, that THIS isn't *all* there is, that the HORIZON *does* have something wonderful beyond it, that we have SOMEWHERE to go, that we *haven't* arrived...

That we still believe in the possible.

On with the move.

On with life.

On with dreaming.

On with sojourning.

On with achieving.

On with redemption.

On with writing.

On with preaching.

On with producing.

On with loving Jesus and my wife and my babies and my job(s) and my freakin' sailboat.

On with it.

Where is it?

2010-11-23T13:35:00.004-05:00

Gotta' (gently) weigh in here.

Got shook up yesterday by a blog post I found via a friendly acquaintance of mine who's a fellow church planter. You can read the post HERE.

See?

Troubling.

Even if you've never planted a church you've surely started something that's failed.

The challenge with a church plant failing is that it's an extremely public failure and it's a failure that has impact in many (many) lives.

Publicly, you feel like an idiot and know that all your church planting peers are shaking their heads, thanking God it wasn't them, and some of them are thinking (if not saying) that you probably never 'had what it took' in the first place.

Terrifying.

Personally, you feel like an idiot for all the time, money, effort and heart people have expended to help you get something started that you couldn't see through to success.

You are a failure.

You suck.

That's how you're feeling.

Then the triage starts. "How can we fix this? What do we need to do to make the hurt go away? How can we save our reputation? What about that paycheck, where's the next one coming from? Do you think they HATE me? What is 'so-and-so' saying about me?"

Terrible.

Then the blog gets written, taking a look back, trying to figure out where it started to go wrong. Other church planters get on it, start passing it around, like pictures of a car wreck. Pretty soon everybody knows. "Hey aren't you that guy who failed in __________?"

Yeah, that's me.

Wanna' give me a job? I swear I won't fail this time. I've learned my lesson.

Really?

How do you know, I mean really know?

And in the midst of all the advice blog posts swirling around out there ("Do this, make sure you don't do that...") I find a gaping hole.

Nobody's talking about The Spirit.

Nobody's asking if their worship was FULL OF THE SPIRIT, if their preaching was fit to REND THE HEAVENS so soaked in the Ghost it was. If they prayed for the sick, the broken-hearted and hemmed-in on a regular basis and saw the Mighty Lord answer those prayers by times.

Nobody's talking about CHARISMA! The real kind, not your personal magnetism, but the MAGNETIC, ENERGETIC, FRENETIC, CACOPHONIC, Presence of the Most High God at work in your work.

Seems to me if you got the Ghost you're going to be fine. If you don't you're dead, no matter how hip, or focused, or visionary, or well-managed, funded, or planned you are.

"But believers are all filled with the Holy Spirit upon conversion..."

Yeah, yeah.

In-dwelled by the Spirit.

I'm talking about the ANOINTING, IN-FILLING, BAPTISING, GIFTING, MANIFEST Presence of the Holy Spirit at work in the midst of His people for the Father's glory, His people's salvation and joy, and the good of all people.

Where is it?

WHERE'S THE FREAKIN' GHOST IN YOUR WORK, SON?

Back to the start...

2010-11-17T16:12:00.004-05:00

Last Friday I hosted a local TV show based out of the studio in which I got my start as a TV host/producer almost 18 years ago.

'Eighteen years ago...'

Crazy.

Show was fun. It was 'open line' which means it was at least possible that no one would call which would have left me sitting there for an hour and a half staring at the camera.

Nightmare.

But, that didn't happen. We had non-stop calls all night.

We were talking sex.

Well, sex and marriage.

Always a great 'go to' topic if you're looking to create media that begets a reaction.

And a reaction we begot.

My blog (this here one) and my church's website spiked HUGE in the four or five days following my appearance. Literally thousands of visits in less than a week.

Means people were watching and talking about it.

Cool.

It was fun for me to go back to the first format I ever dipped my toe into as a TV guy. I was still good at it, in fact, all these (18) years later I slipped into using the same catchphrases I used to use to elicit phone-in response.

Funny.

The brain is like a muscle, it has memory.

The upshot for me was another affirmation (or stern reminder) that I 'inhabit' a very specific 'zone' in terms of my area of giftedness in show biz. The upshot of that realization is twofold, 1) try to keep finding contexts that suit my limited ability and 2) work very hard when I'm in a setting that is outside of my area of giftedness.

Just 'cause you're not 'gifted' at something doesn't mean you have to 'suck' at it but it does mean that you have to compensate for your lack of natural ability with tenacity, work ethic, focus and follow-through.

Anyway, t'was fun and a real learning experience.

You can enjoy the opener (and a laugh at my expense) HERE.